Tag: life

August book selection: Everything Happens For A Reason by Mira Kirshenbaum

On By Jenni C.In Books, Fears, Finding meaning, Life, random, Relocation, Self Discovery, self help2 Comments
Cover of
Cover via Amazon

On my journey to “living my best life now”, as said by Oprah, I am attempting to incorporate a monthly book selection into this blog. Please note that I said ATTEMPT. I will do my best, but not sure how long I can keep it going. My life changes quick, so please watch me for the changes.

Lately, I have had the feeling that God has been telling me to go right,  and I keep making that sharp left. Somehow going to left seems so much more exciting than going right, so I pick my way. Of course it never works out, it’s not the right way, it is a dead-end. As always God  brings back to the start of the path, I don’t get lost , I don’t get in trouble. He allows me another chance to follow him, infinite chances to go right. I listened to God, and when he spoke, he brought me to a book, a book that will forever change the way I look at life.

This month’s book selection is,  Everything Happens for a Reason: Finding the true meaning of events in our lives, by Mira Kirshenbaum. While reflecting on past events in my life, changes that have been made, I once struggled to find meaning in them. I had a bad habit of feeling sorry for myself, hating the world that I was in, just hoping for something better that never came. I would wonder, why do certain things happen the way they do? Why do some events turn out bad, and why can’t things just go the way I want them to. I wanted perfection from life. Who am I kidding? Life doesn’t work that way.  The odds are not always in my favor, and every event is not going to always have a happy ending. In life bad things happen. Bad things happen to everyone, the good that comes out of those bad events are the reason why they had to happen.

Through her writing, Kirshenbaum points out  that there are ten main reasons why these bad events take place in our lives. Through each chapter she thoroughly explains each of these ten reasons, she conveys real life examples from people to make sense of  the true meaning as to why certain events may occur in life. Kirshenbaum is able to help  the reader reflect on his or her own life events, and find a way to make that event fit into one of these reasons. This book opens the reader up to deep self-reflection,  possibly gaining closure and moving forward from events that appear damaging to our lives. Kirshenbaum writes in a way that enhances a positive overtone for negative events. This book portrays the message that life does get better! People are resilient and if we are just able to bounce back, bounce back quick,  and look for true meaning, our lives will be better than we have ever imagined. Kirshenbaum does an excellent job of making the reader feel at home within the book, and brings the message that life does not just happen to happen. Life really does happen for a reason.

The Ten Meanings of the Events in Our Lives, by Mira Kirshenbaum

1. To help you feel at home in the world

2. To help you totally accept yourself

3. To show you that you can let go of fear

4. To bring you to the place where you can feel forgiveness

5. To help you uncover your true hidden talent

6. To give you want you need to find true love

7. To help you become stronger

8. To help you discover the play in life

9. To show you how to live with a sense of mission

10. To help you become a truly good person.

My challenge to you is to sit and reflect on the negative events of your life, if you feel you know the reason why they happened, great! You are one step ahead. If not, if you continue to feel sad, wonder “what if”, or have trouble moving on think of the meaning behind this event. How has it changed you? Can anything positive come from this negative event? Look within your inner self for the reason, trust me it is there.

If you have time read, Everything Happens For A Reason by, Mira Kirshenbaum.

*Positive energy, Positive thoughts, Positive experiences!

Love: Does it really matter what color it comes in?

On By Jenni C.In dating, Life, men, New York, relationships, Relocation, single girl6 Comments

 Recently, I came across an article in Essence Magazine on Black Love. This topic is an interesting one for me because as I make attempts to open myself up to dating men of different races, the thought of eventually marrying a Black man always comes to my mind. Now don’t get me wrong, I see nothing wrong with interracial dating. Love is about the relationship you are in and not the color of their skin. I say date, marry, love, whoever makes you happy.

Vector image of two human figures with hands i...
Image via Wikipedia

However, personally in my life I have only loved and been in serious romantic relationships with Black men. It always seems to work out that way. Black men approach me more often, ask me to go out, and show their interest in getting to know me. I must be honest, I love the sexiness of a Black man. When I see a Black man who carries himself well, who walks with style and purpose, it makes me smile. I have an overwhelming feeling that I must get to know him, see what he is about. So yes, I may put in a little more effort, smile a tad bit more, or use subtle flirtation so he would know that I am interested.

Barack and Michelle Obama dance arm-in-arm and smile. She wears a white dress, large ring, long earrings and a bracelet. He wears a black tuxedo.

The dating scene in Hawaii is different from New York in that interracial dating in Hawaii is a lot more common. It is a noticeable difference from living in the City. With the large amount of diversity in Hawaii, sure you will see people date outside their race. However,  in Hawaii Black women date outside their race nearly as much as Black men.

Black women are known for being less likely to date outside of their race when compared to black men, or women of other races. That is why it is surprising to see so many Black women with a man of a different race. It actually made me feel more comfortable to actually date a man who was not Black.

As I have said before, I like to do online dating, just because I’m lazy. Online I usually get a lot of hits from men of different racial groups. A lot of the time these men are not black. And a lot of the time I pay them no attention (ok maybe I am missing out). But, one time I actually did attempt to go out with a White man. He had cute pictures, and seemed nice on the phone. In real life, he was still cute, had nice conversation, appeared to be someone who I can get along with. Unfortunately after we went out, he then decided to send me a text saying “what’s up miss phat booty”. Really? Yes I am serious. Miss phat booty! Who does that? Not sure if I took as extra offensive because he was White, or because I thought that was just plain stupid. Needless to say after I told him off in a polite (ok well maybe not so polite) manner, that was the end of my interracial dating experience.

I am not going to let that one experience deter me from ever dating a White man, Hispanic Man, or Asian man again. I am still open to trying to make it work with any man who may be my perfect match. However, it will always be true that when I go out, I am more likely to be approached by a Black man.  A man who is confident, not afraid, sexy, and intelligent will always be attractive to me. I am open to talk to any man who has those qualities, as long as his idea of flirting is not referring to me as “miss phat booty”.

In Hawaii, it is apparent that some Black men prefer to date local women, or Asian women. I know, exotic women are in style at the moment. I also know some Black men who will only date Black women.  I have heard some Black men say that the Black women do not like Black men in Hawaii. I am always amazed when I hear men complain about that. Actually it is  the first time in my life that I have heard Black men not feeling they are getting love from Black women.  This is a rarity to say the least. Black women will always love Black men. To a Black woman, a Black man represents so much more than just being a man. In essence, he is the picture of strength, safety, and a solid foundation. A good Black man is what we saw or wanted to see in our father’s, and who we want our sons to grow up to be. It seems that is why Black Love is important, it represents the struggles of the past, and hope for a brighter future.

Robert De Niro and his wife Grace Hightower at...
Image via Wikipedia

Due to the lack of available Black men in Hawaii, I may continue to date more outside of my race. My mental picture of my husband; a handsome Black man, may need to change to a handsome White man. Time will tell, and it will be interesting. Either way I am ready to embrace what is in store for me, and take the type of love that the universe has to offer.

*Positive energy, Positive thoughts, Positive experiences!

NY memories: A permanent mark in time

On By Jenni C.In dating, Fears, Finding meaning, Life, men, Moving, New York, Relocation, single girl2 Comments

Still in New York: Day 4

Statue of Liberty National Monument, Ellis Isl...
Image via Wikipedia

I’m feeling a little bit reminiscent today. At my core I am a sentimental girl (even when I don’t act like it). I am that girl who keeps everything ever given to me by a past love. I keep old pictures, and random items for years, Deep down I can’t bring myself to just throw them away. What am I holding on to? If only I can figure it out, I might actually dispose of these items. But if I throw away pictures it would be as if those memories never happened. As if a once happy moment in my life was never there. Although, the end result was the personal torment of ending a relationship, the story of a time when things were good in that relationship are in those objects.

Why do I bring this up? Well when I come back home, I stay in my old room. My room that is filled with pictures, objects, and a plethora of memories of a time period when I was with an ex boyfriend. Twice I have loved, and twice it hasn’t worked out. Life changes and self reflection has brought me to a point where I do realize that it just wasn’t meant to be. Everything really does happen for a reason, and those relationships are not what I needed for my life.  However, the memories are still there. Trapped in my room. In my dressers are pictures, on the desk and in the closet are stuffed animals. I left my memories trapped in that room. Better than taking them with me to Hawaii. I needed a fresh start, for my own mental sake I needed the past to stay in the past. A past that always seems to come back into the present each time I enter the state of New York.

The memories are not only trapped in my room, they are actually in small areas all over the city. With each of my past relationships, I have a memory that virtually takes over Manhattan, Bronx, Queens, and Brooklyn. Wow, it’s a good thing I never dated anyone who lived in Staten Island. The city has memories of romantic dates at wonderful restaurants, times of relaxation in central park, long subway rides to our next destination, and since I love to walk;  times of just strolling up and down the blocks of Manhattan. The Village is a New York favorite area of mine since I attended NYU. But with the thought of stepping foot into the village comes the memories of waiting for an ex by NYU, eating pizza after class, or just wanting to use a building to go inside of to escape the winter cold. Yup New York, my city of memories. Memories that I can’t just throw away. Buildings, landmarks, and food, all come with a separate memory that will always be there.

Greenwich Village Photo NYC

It’s funny because when I get a new boyfriend, I try not to do the same things or go to the same places that I did with my old boyfriend. Crazy, yeah maybe a little. But, each place for me has a special memory, so I feel it is more fair to create a new special memory, than to attempt to recreate a new memory in the same place. Is that always possible? No of course not! The city is big, but not that big. There are things that I will always love. For anyone I am dating, if we happen to be in New York, we will probably repeat an event that I shared with someone else. Hopefully I can stay in the moment, feel that it is special, and not think about the last time I was in that same place.

I wish I could say that Hawaii is completely free from any tainted memories of an ex boyfriend. Unfortunately that is not exactly true since shortly after I moved there one of my ex boyfriends did come to visit. I guess it was just that type of love that I couldn’t get away from, even though I knew that I really needed to be away from it. So some parts of Honolulu do have memories of him. That I can handle a lot better than New York. Since there is so much more of Hawaii that I can see with other dates, the memories of my ex in Hawaii are close to non-existent. I don’t feel as if they are written in permanent marker like my infamous New York memories. They are written in pencil and will eventually fade.

New York and I will always have a love-hate relationship. At one time I was in love with the city, now I feel I love it for a brief period and will tolerate it the rest of the time. This is also what the relationship with each of the past men in my life has become. Once we were in love so deeply, now, well I don’t even know what it would be considered now. Toleration? Friendship? Love-hate? Sure why not all of the above.  As they say, I guess one day the memories will fade. Through it all my city will always be the same. I will be open to falling in love with it over and over again during every visit. Soon I will have new experiences, and even better memories.

'Downtown is where it's at' United States, New...
Image by WanderingtheWorld (www.LostManProject.com) via Flickr

Now if only I knew what to do with my collection of old cards, pictures, and gifts???

As always: Positive energy, Positive thoughts, Positive experiences!

I won the lottery! The Broadway lottery of course

On By Jenni C.In Broadway, Life, New York, random, Relocation5 Comments

Still in New York: Day 3

I will return to Honolulu on Monday, until then I have another New York moment to share:

Ultimately the one aspect of New York that I will always love is Broadway. In every Broadway show,  I am always amazed by the creativity and intellectual genius that goes into writing a play, then turning it into a major Broadway production. I only wish that one day I can have half as much of that creativity.

During this trip into the city I had the opportunity to go with my mother to see The Book of Mormon, which is a new musical that won 9 Tony awards. I must say that it was quite an interesting masterpiece. Different from your usual musical due to the large amount of profanity. Yet, the provocative nature is what makes this production eye-catching, and attention grabbing from start to finish. I would say that this is a musical that is a must see, as long as you are not overly sensitive to religious issues or offended by the use of constant profanity.

Here is the good part of this city visit: To get a ticket to the The Book of Mormon is no easy task. Nearly impossible would be an understatement. I attempted to order tickets online for my mother and I before I left Hawaii. Unfortunately they were all sold out. Not thinking,  I did not realize that this play would be sold out.  Next, I figured I would try again to get tickets while in New York. Nope it was a no go. I called the box office, no luck. The nice woman on the phone did offer me 400 dollar premium seat tickets however. My thought was “are you kidding me?” My last name is not Trump! I politely said “no thank you” and hung up the phone.

One part of my brain had completely given up on ever going to see The Book of Mormon this year. My thoughts were to try to get tickets for next year sometime, maybe by then everyone who wanted to see this show would have seen it, and I can just order a ticket for my mother and I online. A part of me felt disappointment, and I felt disappointed for my mom because I told her that we can go see this show. My next thought, hey let’s try a last-ditch effort and attempt to win tickets in the Broadway lottery.

Now if you know me, or if you don’t, let me tell you, I DO NOT have good luck. Actually I never win anything. I have really crappy luck. Life does not happen to me based on luck, it never has, and I never expect it to. So to enter this lottery for these tickets and win, in my mind I had a better chance of being struck by lighting. Since my mom was also there to enter her name in the lottery, I figured she would probably win. Actually I was expecting her to win. I just had a feeling that the man would say her name, and we would be watching the show in the front row due to her luck.

To enter the drawing for Broadway lottery tickets, just arrive at the show that has a lottery 2 and a half hours in advance of the show time to put your name in the drawing. 2 hours prior to showtime they call out the names for a highly discounted front row ticket.  I had tried the lottery once before to see Wicked, unfortunately I did not win then. And I had little hope that I would win now.

My mom and I arrived at the theater about 3 hours before show time. People were already waiting in line for standing room only tickets, and another group of people were waiting for lottery tickets. As the time came to hand out the cards, a giant crowd formed in front of the theater, close to if not more than a hundred people. Many people, all for the same purpose, hoping to pay 32 dollars for a front row seat to the hottest musical in town.

2 hours before the show, the man started to call out the names of the winners, all the while I was thinking I hope I win, but I am not really sure I will win. My mom had already thought of our back up plan when we did not get the tickets to the show. We would go to the museum and on the NY sightseeing bus. I still had a little hope but as the first 6 sets of tickets were given out and my name not called, my hope was quickly dwindling. My next thought was would this guy hurry up and call out these names so I could go eat lunch. I was starving. At least a sandwich and a Starbucks latte were something I could actually get. As the man said that this is the last set of available front row tickets, he then called out my name. ME he called.  It replays in my head in slow motion. I heard my name. Never have I been so excited to hear my full name.  With shock and amazement I could not believe it was real. I had won something, and I had won something that I had actually wanted.

My mom was so happy to hear my name she screamed louder than a parent at a graduation ceremony. She may have screamed loud enough for all of midtown to hear. You would have thought I won the real lottery. It was nice to see her happy. She deserves happiness.

Excited about my win, my mom and I were able to sit in the very front row of The Book of Mormon for only 32 dollars for each ticket. A ticket that the woman on the phone tried to sell to me for 400 dollars the day before. Wow, look at the way life works. Unpredictable. Just live. As my mother said “we sat so close the actors could spit on you”. Gross I know, but you could see the spit coming out of their mouths as they spoke. Great times, another great day in New York.

I am feeling now that my life is starting to look up. I have a sense that things are going to work out for the better, again I will practice patience. Positive energy, Positive thoughts, Positive experience. :0)

 

 

 

Show Photos - The Book of Mormon - Andrew Rannells

Back to Basics: Having a passion for the present

On By Jenni C.In Finding meaning, Life, random, Self Discovery, self help, Uncategorized2 Comments

        You ever get to a point in your life where you stop and wonder “how did I get here”? And think, “was my life planned out to be this way”? Ever just stop and think about the past events of your life and look for the common connection that has led you to your current place in the world? Not regretting the past, just thinking, “wow 10 years ago I would have never thought that I would be here”, and then left to wonder what in the world will possibly happen next. Sometimes I wish I could cheat and see the map of what’s next for my life, but yet I know it is better left as a surprise. No cheating, just living. Living with purpose, walking by faith.

The point of my recent pondering; well suddenly I realized that it was already the end of July! Where did 2011 go, I feel like it just started yesterday. Nearly eight months in and I am thinking time really needs to slow down. I wish time would take a small break so I can mentally catch up to the speed that its going. Maybe I just need to go faster, work harder, but really time, do you have to go so fast?

Lately I have gone back to self analyzing my life (again, it’s what I do best!). Over the past few months I have been so busy with the chaos of life 18-20 hours out of the day, that I lost time to do everything that was important to me, like living. I once heard someone say that we get so busy living in the future, we forget to live in the present. Yeah that is how I feel right now. In January, this moment was the future, now it is the past, and I am wondering what happened to the present.

The greatness of time. It is always constant,  it doesn’t stop, doesn’t slow down, just keeps going. A rare certainty in life. My challenge to myself has been making the most of each moment that I am currently in, taking advantage of what I love to do, and making those dreams I have for the future, my reality in the present.

I have been working so much, that I forgot for a moment that I love writing. I knew something was missing from my life, and yes I have neglected my blog. Not good! Then I had to question myself, how much do I really love writing if I don’t make the time to write? Seriously, I need to love it more. To be successful, eat, sleep, and breathe what your passionate about. I know I have a passion for writing, so my task to myself is just to write! Even if I am not always happy with the finished product, at least I have words on paper.

My next task to myself is to live in the moment. I wish I had an off switch to my brain so I can give it a rest, focus on today. My daily plan is to decide what I want to accomplish for the day and do it to my full ability. So for all my avid readers (like I have so many, but I will pretend that I do right now), I am back! Back to writing, back to sharing my random thoughts, daily adventures, and details of my horrible dates. OK, just kidding I will be more optimistic for the rest of the year. Positive thoughts, positive energy, make positive experiences!

Why Not Be The Best Version Of Yourself!

On By Jenni C.In dating, Finding meaning, Goals, Life, New York, Paradise, random, relationships, Relocation, Self Discovery, sex, single girl, TwentiesLeave a comment

S0 here it is: In a few weeks I will be turning 29! Yup 29. (I am silently wondering if I should be having a brief panic attack) Since I am entering my last year in my twenties, I have decided to do a little bit of self-reflection.

While in my twenties I would say that I almost met all of the societal expectations of girls in their twenties. I graduated from college, entered the professional world, learned how to balance a check book, and dated a variety of men. Where did I go wrong? Well I didn’t get married, and I have no children. In my thirties, if I stay on this track  I will be considered a social leper by the standards of some.  Apparently marriage and babies is the icing on the cake for women in their twenties. Therefore, when women reach their thirties they will be complete with a family, or divorced, take your pick. As a woman, if you are still or newly single in your thirties, you continue to go on what may seem like endless dates, continue to look for Mr. Right, or maybe just Mr. Right now, oh and  you even get the wonderful added pity of people who feel so sorry for you life of singledom that they go out of their way to offer to find you Mr. Right now. Do women ever get the chance to just be happy with themselves, by themselves, and love it?

I spent the majority of my early to mid twenties involved in serious relationships. When I was around the age of 24, I was dating a man who I just knew I wanted to marry. For some strange reason I wanted a husband right then. My boyfriend at the time was cute, and he had a job, he took care of me, so he was perfect to marry right? Well no it was not that simple. I wanted to get married yes, but not because I actually wanted to be a wife or understood what it actually meant to be a wife, at the time I just thought the idea of having a husband would be nice. I would have someone to take care of me, and we would just automatically become one. I must give the credit to God on that one, he knew exactly what he was doing with that didn’t work.

At 24 I would have made a horrible wife. I’ll admit it, just horrible. I was selfish, egocentric, bratty, spoiled, and had no idea of what it meant to be a wife, or how to treat a husband. Marriage was just a word in my vocabulary. I truly wanted the wedding and not the marriage. Looking back life worked out exactly the way life was supposed to work.  However, if I did get married the advantage was then I would not have to face life alone. I could go from living with my parents, to living with my husband. When I was younger I remember my mother telling me that I needed to find a husband so he can take me away. To my mom, she could just marry me off so she wouldn’t have to support me anymore. What a silly idea that was. When the marriage plan didn’t work out, I created a new plan, my own plan. My plan actually turned out to be the right plan. I would live life for me, and figure out how to be the best version of me first before I tried to share my life with someone else.

Around the age of 25, I once heard Oprah and Mya Angelou say that life gets better at 50. So being the me that I am, I figured that I only have to wait 25 more years, then life will start to get good. I will feel free, and living my best days…but at 50, which seems like an eternity away. Did I really want to wait that long? No. I have a huge problem with impatience. So my next thought was how do I make today my best day. I can make life start right now, today, and really live. The advantage had been that I could figure that out all by myself. I had no one to answer to. It was my life, and I could do whatever I wanted to with it. Suddenly I realized the bright side of not getting married, and being a horrible wife at the age of 24. I was given the opportunity to grow, to learn, to love me for who I am, to learn to love other people exactly for who they are, and to learn how to be a good wife. With growth, I learned compromise, I learned the joys of giving, and to be happy seeing other people happy.  I found my own personal happiness, and no one could take that away from me.

During my twenties I feel my biggest accomplishment has been becoming the a better version of myself. With time spent alone, I have learned to love myself first as an individual. Doing small things on my own, has helped me to learn to appreciate my own company.  I am content in knowing what I love and what I don’t love. What I want and what I don’t want.  I used to have fears of going to eat alone, going to the movies alone, or vacationing alone. In the past few years I have overcome all of those fears, and many more. So as I turn 29 do I feel like I have life figured out? Oh no, far from it. But I do know that I am now living life at my best, I appreciate everything that I have to offer to the world. Most importantly, I know that I do not have to wait another 20 years for life to start, because I am ready to start living  life at my best everyday.