Recently, I came across an article in Essence Magazine on Black Love. This topic is an interesting one for me because as I make attempts to open myself up to dating men of different races, the thought of eventually marrying a Black man always comes to my mind. Now don’t get me wrong, I see nothing wrong with interracial dating. Love is about the relationship you are in and not the color of their skin. I say date, marry, love, whoever makes you happy.
However, personally in my life I have only loved and been in serious romantic relationships with Black men. It always seems to work out that way. Black men approach me more often, ask me to go out, and show their interest in getting to know me. I must be honest, I love the sexiness of a Black man. When I see a Black man who carries himself well, who walks with style and purpose, it makes me smile. I have an overwhelming feeling that I must get to know him, see what he is about. So yes, I may put in a little more effort, smile a tad bit more, or use subtle flirtation so he would know that I am interested.
The dating scene in Hawaii is different from New York in that interracial dating in Hawaii is a lot more common. It is a noticeable difference from living in the City. With the large amount of diversity in Hawaii, sure you will see people date outside their race. However, in Hawaii Black women date outside their race nearly as much as Black men.
Black women are known for being less likely to date outside of their race when compared to black men, or women of other races. That is why it is surprising to see so many Black women with a man of a different race. It actually made me feel more comfortable to actually date a man who was not Black.
As I have said before, I like to do online dating, just because I’m lazy. Online I usually get a lot of hits from men of different racial groups. A lot of the time these men are not black. And a lot of the time I pay them no attention (ok maybe I am missing out). But, one time I actually did attempt to go out with a White man. He had cute pictures, and seemed nice on the phone. In real life, he was still cute, had nice conversation, appeared to be someone who I can get along with. Unfortunately after we went out, he then decided to send me a text saying “what’s up miss phat booty”. Really? Yes I am serious. Miss phat booty! Who does that? Not sure if I took as extra offensive because he was White, or because I thought that was just plain stupid. Needless to say after I told him off in a polite (ok well maybe not so polite) manner, that was the end of my interracial dating experience.
I am not going to let that one experience deter me from ever dating a White man, Hispanic Man, or Asian man again. I am still open to trying to make it work with any man who may be my perfect match. However, it will always be true that when I go out, I am more likely to be approached by a Black man. A man who is confident, not afraid, sexy, and intelligent will always be attractive to me. I am open to talk to any man who has those qualities, as long as his idea of flirting is not referring to me as “miss phat booty”.
In Hawaii, it is apparent that some Black men prefer to date local women, or Asian women. I know, exotic women are in style at the moment. I also know some Black men who will only date Black women. I have heard some Black men say that the Black women do not like Black men in Hawaii. I am always amazed when I hear men complain about that. Actually it is the first time in my life that I have heard Black men not feeling they are getting love from Black women. This is a rarity to say the least. Black women will always love Black men. To a Black woman, a Black man represents so much more than just being a man. In essence, he is the picture of strength, safety, and a solid foundation. A good Black man is what we saw or wanted to see in our father’s, and who we want our sons to grow up to be. It seems that is why Black Love is important, it represents the struggles of the past, and hope for a brighter future.
Due to the lack of available Black men in Hawaii, I may continue to date more outside of my race. My mental picture of my husband; a handsome Black man, may need to change to a handsome White man. Time will tell, and it will be interesting. Either way I am ready to embrace what is in store for me, and take the type of love that the universe has to offer.
*Positive energy, Positive thoughts, Positive experiences!