Perfection: A state with my very own NY-Hawaii mix

Lately I have found myself missing New York. I never ever thought I would  feel this way because when I left the chaos of the big city, I couldn’t escape the state fast enough. I was done, it was time to experience life at a different angle. But now I think I miss life as I knew it in New York. Don’t get me wrong, It’s not the feeling of wanting to permanently move back to New York.  The chances of me ever living in the city again are slim, yet the overall atmosphere of city life cannot be matched by living anywhere else.

I can’t figure out what it is exactly that I am yearning for at this point in time that is making me miss the city. Maybe its the summer NY air. A New York summer is always filled with good times. Block parties, loud music, and excessive drinking  during all hours of the night, what an experience! The humidity,  the extremely hot air, overcrowded subway stations, mounds of tourist, and walking for blocks while window shopping and enjoying the scenes of a good New York summer are consistently invading my mind. From open fire hydrants that kids play in, to waking up in the morning with a heat wave index of 100 degrees at sunrise, there is something that I am missing while I am Hawaii, and I know I just can’t get it here.

Now please don’t get me wrong, I love Hawaii, and I love the fact that a Hawaii summer is a year long event.  While the rest of the country is enduing a dramatic heat wave, In Hawaii there are always cool breezes and low humidity. It feels like a dream state with the most perfect weather.

There is nothing like waking up to the sun and warmth every day. Its great!  I have become the queen of tank tops and flip flops (slippas in Hawaii). I know some people like the four seasons, so for you I would say Hawaii is not the place to live. But since I am an all time hater of winter, it has become a perfect destination. Unfortunately for me I do not plan on living in Hawaii forever, and I must return to the the mainland. The mainland is reality. And I need to return to my reality.

Once I return to the Mainland, I feel I will yearn for my life in Hawaii, and miss that too!  The reasons why I love it so much cannot be compared to life on the mainland. I wish I could mesh my two worlds of Hawaii and New York. But alas, they are a world apart, with the entire continental United States in the middle, and an airplane ride that takes a whole day to reach either destination.

So with much thought here is what I find myself missing about New York City:

  • Free summer concerts in the park: I am an avid lover of Central Park Summer Stage, no matter who is performing, the experience is amazing and truly a NY must see! Prospect Park in Brooklyn has a summer full of Celebrate Brooklyn concerts, Flushing Meadows Park in Queens will have an occassional weekend celebration, and many of the other parks in Manhattan will truly have a great weekend event that will bring pleasure and delight for any age.
  • South Street Seaport: I just love the area, enough said!
  • Washington Square Park/Greenwhich Village: While attending NYU as a broke graduate student, I discovered the joys of the Village. I have walked this area many a time for hours just for my own entertainment. It is truly an NY gem. In the Village you never have to spend a lot of money, and you can have a great day! With street fairs, amazing food, and cool people you will defiantly be entertained.
  • Harlem: It has everything including Sylvia’s!
  • The hole in the wall fish place outside the west 145 st subway station. I would kill for some greasy fried fish, shrimp, and plantains all for 7 bucks!
  • West Indian food: Not that I eat it that much, but for some reason I have been craving oxtails with rice and peas.
  • Astoria: The cutest outside restaurants and Hooka bars! Summertime is a great time to just walk by a restaurant or stay for dinner while sitting outside to eat.
  • Rockefeller Center: Many a days I would walk over to Rockefeller Plaza, look down at the restaurant and  think about life. They also have free outdoor movies some nights.
  • A DELI: There are no corner deli’s with Boars head meat in Hawaii. Can you believe it? No corner deli’s at all! I want a grilled honey turkey sandwich!
  • Domincian Hairdressers: I really miss a getting my hair done for 40 bucks or less oh so nice!
  • The Subway: As much as I hate it, I miss it too. I have many memories of excitement and sadness that I have went through all on a subway ride.
  • Broadway: I love love love a good show!
  • Baseball games: Although I hate going to the games, its nice to have an option to see the Yankees or Mets play!
  • Lectures/Speakers: Hey I do have an intellectual mind! So I do miss hearing talks on a variety of topics and meeting professional scholars who speak on their area of expertise. With the many colleges in NY, there is always an event to attend.
  • Finally: PIZZA: Once I realized the Bronx had the best Pizza ever, I became a addict for life!

Then I realized once I leave the island I will miss so much about Hawaii,

What I will miss about my Hawaiian Paradise:        

  • The beaches, oh such a beautiful site
  • Morning workouts on the beach, running next to the ocean waves  is the best way to start off any day
  • The outdoor spin class in Waikiki: Imagine spinning while overlooking the surfers in the ocean along with the amazing evening sunset! Even though an outdoor spin class is hot, hot, hot, the view is well worth it.
  • The mountains, hiking is a surreal experience. Strenuous activity, but the reward of the views makes it worth every bit of the pain.  Try it, it will take you away from the everyday problems of the real world.
  • The Weather!! Yeah its just beautiful everyday, what else can you ask for
  • Shrimp at the North Shore, just delicious!
  • Giant waves at the North Shore, Oh do I wish I could surf
  • The entire North Shore, though it seems like a long drive from Honolulu, it is wonderful and Haleiwa is a great quiet little old town.
  • Surfers, gotta love them!
  • The Shaka! :Where else can one hand gesture stop people from getting upset, save you from getting your ass beat, and always say “hey everything is cool bruh”!
  • The macaroni salad, and white rice that comes with every meal! Trust me you get used to it after a while.
  • Poke, Ummmm just kidding, I still haven’t got used to the idea of eating raw fish! 🙂
  • All the other food, there is always just so much of it!
  • Waterfalls, though I always have the fear of getting leptospirosis from swimming in them, I just have to because a Hawaiian waterfall is 100 times better than a NYC public pool!
  • Sea turtles, Whales, Dolphins, and Sharks! You just have to develop a strong love for the water creatures
  • My job, truly awesome, from the program director, to my supervisor, to my coworkers, I could not ever dream about working with such a great group of people.
  • Finally I will miss the spirit of Aloha!!! No where else have I experienced such kindness, happy spirits, and a genoristy to help others. Thank you Hawaii for showing me that people can have a sense of genuine kindness and giving!

If Facebook is the devil, then I guess the internet is our modern day Hell

Let me be honest, I love Facebook! When it first came out, I hated it, really hated it. It was the nosy, tell all, put my life on blast, gossip site, but now I love you facebook! I never thought  I would break up with myspace, to start a new relationship with facebook. Myspace was good to me, treated me well, but like most relationships we eventually outgrew each other. Myspace is like a sorry ex boyfriend who is not as cool as my new boyfriend, Facebook!

Devil :   Happy little devil with pitchfork with little hearts Stock PhotoSince I live on a Island thousands of miles from the mainland, facebook has been the major link to the my friends and family scattered throughout the continental US. With facebook I feel like I have never left my best friends and they can see my pictures of the island. I can  keep up with family members who I haven’t spoke to in years, and I now know what happened to those people from High School who I thought I would never see again in life after the music stopped on graduation day.

Facebook, you are not so bad after all. You do have some negative, annoying traits that I can’t stand,  but it wouldn’t be a real relationship if you didn’t right? So I guess I will just like what I can tolerate about you, and ignore the rest.

I know a lot of people who use facebook, I even met a guy who asked me if I had facebook after I denied giving him my number. Of course I lied and said no! I didn’t want to ever be a memory in his mind after I escaped his conversation. So it has become a common thought to just assume that everyone has a facebook account or two.

But lately I have met a few men who do not have facebook accounts!  Yup, they really are not on facebook, how do they survive!  All are random men who do not know each other. So, it’s strange that they all have the same response when I ask why; “Facebook is the devil”.  The devil? To me it seems a little harsh to call it the devil. Then I thought:  facebook is not the devil, but people who use the account can turn it into what may eventually become their own personal hell!

I will admit facebook is addicting, one of my friends recently compared it to crack. And yes it can cause trouble, if you allow trouble. However, you can have a safe, friendly account if you use it the right way. I know people who have gotten into fights with their partners because of pictures that pop up through friends tagging, random friend requests, racy comments, or the high number of friends they have. The truth is, if you respect your account, and respect your partner then there really should not be anything to worry about. You can always delete people who do not respect your relationship! Don’t do dirt, and the dirt won’t be able to find you.

The devil and facebook do have something in common: they both prosper with the power from mankind. People give the devil and facebook the power to work in evil ways. The internet is full of a variety of information about the lives of many people. I will admit that I have googled men that I have went out with just to see if I could find out anything about them on the internet. Yes, a lot of people do that! Personally I like to know what I am getting into to beforehand.

With facebook, people get a firsthand look into the lives of others. They will end up knowing your friends, family, exes, and friends of friends. Pictures of dinners, vacations, and even your work environment may pop up.  Life becomes an open book, and if you dig deep enough you will know the full story (or have enough information to create your own story). Facebook stalking has become the common silent conversation, new age snooping with less work.  Therefore, it becomes the responsibility of the individual to make sure your life is clean, and there aren’t any shocking, incriminating photos that will compromise your own integrity. Maybe with the new internet generation we will all live a more moral life because of what may come out. Probably not. But be smart when using the internet or facebook. Pictures are taken and posted everyday. So even if you are not on facebook, it doesn’t mean your picture won’t show up somewhere.

Chivalry is dead, And MEN killed it!!!!

Anyone who really knows me, knows that I HATE dating. And if you read the previous blog titled Ahhhhh Dating Sucks, you would completely understand why. I would like to think of myself as the self proclaimed Anti-Dater! What some may call dates, I call hanging out, or kickin it. I find those to be safer terms without the pressure of worrying about the label of what we are actually doing.

Lately I have been hearing a lot of guys quote Dave Chappelle with the infamous line “Chilvary is dead, and women killed it”. Really? Then it came to me, that is just an excuse for men to throw the actions of chivalry out the window. What happened to true old school dating. Dates with EFFORT!!! Somewhere along in time men stopped opening doors, stopped picking  up women up for dates, and stopped wanting to impress.  Women, sadly we have accepted this as the norm, and go with it for fear that we will not find better.

So I came up with the quote “Men became lazy, and women accepted it”, now that seems like a more realistic standpoint to me.

What do I mean by that? Well it seems that dating has changed so much over time, men are throwing out the bare minium to get sex from a woman and it has become acceptable because they are getting what they want.

Please don’t ask me to come to your house to watch a DVD and eat pizza as a first date!  I don’t want to see your house, hang out on your couch, and no I will not end up in your bed at the end of the night!

So you may not be able to afford to take a woman on a date that consists of going anywhere outside of your living room.

Disclaimer: If you cannot afford to take me out, Don’t Ask!!! Simple! Ok now before you start writing hate mails or call me a gold digger,  let me explain:

I understand we are in hard times, a recession is happening amongst us. Got it. So men, its time to bring out your creative minds and do something different. Why not have a really cool date on a budget. Think outside of the boring box of dinner and a movie. I have lived in New York and Hawaii, two of the most expensive cities in the nation.  I will tell you men, you can date on a budget. Hawaii has plenty of free beaches and tons of mountains to hike. NY has a free parks,  Central Park has summer stage, and really inexpensive ice skating in the winter. So will a little creativity before going on a date kill you? Probably not, so lets put it into play!

I think I have a million “WTF”, “funny as all heck”, “can you believe that some men really do this?” dating stories. Unfortunately I can’t write them all down here because instead of a blog, I would have a book. But I do want to share my very own list of what men should not do on a date. Hopefully this will help in the second birth of chivalry, and women will stop accepting the effortless date.

So Men Please:

  • Don’t pick up a woman then blast the radio so loud in the car that you are blowing out her ear drums. Besides, that leaves no room for conversation, and I don’t want to hear that you think you are a better singer than R. Kelly, or you know that you can rap better than Drake.
  • Don’t invite a date to a movie, and then act like you are going to go broke if you have to buy popcorn, a drink, and a hot dog. Therefore, you walk at expeditiously high speeds to avoid the concession stand. That tactic is for the high school kids, and I really hope that if you are over the age of 18 your mother is not giving you a weekly allowance to take a girl to a movie. Please Don’t complain about how much food at the movies costs, (we all know it is expensive). And PLEASE don’t start to eat the one hot dog you bought for your date because she asked (and you were too cheap to buy one for yourself), then say “well I paid for it”!
  • Don’t make her finish all the food on her plate, or finish all her drink just because it cost you money! Really, that is just tacky.
  • Don’t be cheap when taking a girl out on a date. Obviously you like this girl, and you want to show her that she can be important to you. It doesn’t have to be a lavish date, but if you are working with a budget, plan the date. If you make the plans based on what you can’t afford then you don’t have to worry about this girl breaking your pockets. Be Creative!!!!
  • Don’t constantly plan group dates with all your friends. Look I am a pretty social person, and love meeting new people. But how am I going to get to know you if  time is always being split between getting to know you and getting to know your friends?
  • PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY!! This one goes for girls and guys. Don’t go on a date and send text messages, check your email, or answer unnecessary phone calls. That is just rude! I hate when a man answers the phone on a date and says, “Yo what up man, let me call you back, I’m on a date with shorty right now”. Unless someone is dying or injured, put your voicemail to good use.
  • Which leads to my next point, Please do not address a woman as “shorty” or “ma”. If your are over 24 then you are too old for that (and i think 24 is pushing the age).
  • I know we live in the age of social networking, so if you’re a hardcore player in the social network game then you may be tempted to advertise your date on facebook or twitter. DON’T DO IT! Look you would not call 800 of your non-closest friends and let them know that you just went on a date from your own personal hell. So don’t open it up on the internet. Trust me it’s a small world out there, and you never knows who knows who.
  • Don’t assume if you are invited over after the date, that you are also invited to spend the night. Feel the vibe out, have fun with your date, and please know when to go home!
  • Do not be afraid to open all doors, pull out her chair, or appear to be genuinely interested in her, it helps, and women pay close attention to the small things.

MEN:  Lets bring back the art of chivalry, don’t let it just die. Lets embrace the rebirth of chivalry! Right now it is hanging on due to the life support from the good men, but with all men it can have vibrant everlasting life.

WOMEN: Lets accept the chivalry of men that show it and, show men that we do appreciate them, and we also appreciate the effort when they think outside the box and strive to be different.

My letter to ABC: Can we add diversity to the Bachelor?

Rant Blog:

Dear ABC network,

Why is the Bachelor/Bachelorette so white bread? No really why is it so extremely white bread? I just don’t understand. Do you not realize that there are people of color who exist in this country, so how come a minority is yet to be chosen as the next Bachelor or Bachelorette?


I saw the advertisement saying to apply if I want to be on the show, but why do I have the strong sense that I will not be picked because I am an African American female? Now, now  I am not trying to call your station racist by any means, although there are plenty of racial undertones for the lack of minority presence on your network  however, I would like to just see a person of color actually have a chance at love too. I understand what your argument may be, you have the token black girl for the bachelor every once in a while who never makes it past the first few rose ceremonies or, you throw in one or two Hispanic girls to play the role of the sexy Latina.  Sure that is all well and great, but can minorities please stop being the token, and play the lead role. Sure Ali chose Roberto, well it’s a good thing she likes Hispanic men. But really he was one out of how many Hispanic men have been on this show in all the seasons?

I will admit, I am not an avid watcher of the Bachelor or the Bachelorette, and it may because every season is like the one before, except names a faces change.  ABC network, a touch of diversity will not kill the show.

Sure you may have your hesitations, understandable.  VH1 does a good job of exploiting the roles of African American’s looking for love, and I am sure the madness you must have witnessed on Flava of Love, or I Love New York doesn’t help the cause of having an African American Bachelor/Bachelorette on a reputable network such as yours. But I can assure you ABC, there are a plethora of very smart, talented, goal oriented, African American and Hispanic individuals who can play the lead role, and even live in a house together without your show turning into the theme show for all things ghetto. Minorities do have an equal amount of class as White Americans, and can keep the dignity of your network if the opportunity is given in the appropriate manner.

So ABC, take a minute to think about it, diversity! Now I know the next Bachelor will probably be one of the men whom Ali sent home, so he will be another White man. But at least attempt to change things up a bit, add some more African American or Hispanic women. Please more than just the token one or two that are there to mask your hidden underlying form of racism. Let’s really show that America is diverse and give other ethnicities and chance to find love on the Bachelor/Bachelorette.

And hey if your ratings go down at least you took a chance to show America something different.