The Maid of Honor wedding diaries (part 1)

Here is a piece of backdated good news. In 2012 my best friend got engaged. With a 2012 engagement, comes an exciting 2013 wedding. Now I have known my best friend for the past 15 years. We met in 10th grade, and have stuck together ever since (well that was before I moved to Hawaii). However,  prior to my move to the other side of the world, we remained in close proximity of each other. We survived each other through the torturous high school days, through four years of college, and slummed through our post college days together.

If there is one person who knows me and all my crazy, well I must say it is her, and that makes us best friends. So when she told me she was getting married, I was nothing less than excited. If one of us gets married, then it is like both of us getting married. We always say that combined we would make the perfect wife, we just needed one man who could take the both of us (well not literally), but she found a pretty good man, and in turn we get to have a wedding.

With wedding excitement in the air, she informed me that I will be the Maid of Honor. Instantly I was overjoyed, just because being the Maid of Honor sounded so cool to me. Then I quickly realized that I had  no type of the slightest idea what a Maid of Honor does. You guessed it, quicker than I could blink my eyes, that joy turned to anxiety. My next move…I do what any non suspecting, I have never done this before Maid of Honor does…I Google it. Yup, I Googled” what the heck does a Maid of Honor do”. That actually worked pretty well, Google had a lot of great and not so great websites to help the lost, confused, unorganized Maid of Honor.

After I completed my Google search, my next thought was…man I hope I don’t suck at this. See my best friend, the one who is getting married, has done a lot for me over our 15 year relationship. If females have a better half, she is my better half. She would be the world’s best Maid of Honor, she would know what to do, and pull out all the stops. My only hope is that I can be half as good. I suck at planning, organizing, and staying calm when the sky is about to fall, so why would anyone think that I would really be a good Maid of Honor. However, since I was picked, (and your not allowed to say no to these type of things…right?)I guess I need to do my best to just suck it up and kick major Maid of Honor ass.

After my Google search, I went to two of my other friends to inquire more about this Maid of Honor stuff. They have both previously held that role, so I figured they would know best what to do. The outcome…well I was told about a book I could read to help me prepare (wait is this a test?), and I was told that it would be a lot of work.  Enter the common theme;  every time I tell someone that I am the Maid of Honor the response is, “wow that’s a lot of work”. Wait! This is not my wedding, this is HER wedding, I am just the Maid of Honor! I stand in a pretty dress next to the bride, make sure that she gets down the aisle, smile, and take cute pictures.  No Google didn’t tell me that, but that’s what I made up in my head.

What did Google tell me? That it was going to be a lot of work.

Suddenly I began to feel like the Sucker of Honor. I love my girl to death, but planning and picking up loose ends is just not my thing. I don’t make decisions, I’m a Pisces, the emotionally crazy sign of the zodiac.  Good thing her wedding is set at a resort in the Bahamas, so I don’t have to worry about minor details like flowers, and things going completely wrong. If I am lucky, I can really get away with smiling and looking cute, oh and making sure that she gets down that aisle.

And now for the Bachelorette Party

One task in the is whole Maid of Honor saga that was very important was the bachelorette party. That was MY TASK. My very own make or break this Maid of Honor moment. It happened this past weekend and it was the one thing that I had to take control over, the one moment to show my best friend that I could handle this whole Maid of Honor thing, despite how scary, overwhelming, and anxiety provoking  google made it sound.

The planning for the bachelorette party was tough. When it all seemed like it was going to fall apart I wondered how I got stuck holding the the task of this major event, I was told it was because I was the Maid of Honor. Oh.

I knew I wanted to have an epic party that we could always remember and laugh about, and hey since it may be the only bachelorette party that we have the chance to attend,  it would be the party that was the finale of all parties. So how would I make that happen?

In my regular life, I am a dreamer, I have great ideas, little of which could actually be reality. So in planning a bacholorette party, my party was one that would be a major blow out. In my head there would be a psychic, a tarot card reader, a stripper, a club, a party bus, an airplane, a beach, and a ton a food. But let’s be real, a major party costs major money, and when planning on a budget big great ideas, get cut to little great ideas.

My next thought…How can we have a major single girl finale with a little bit of money?

Due to money constraints the party planning was tough, well tough is an understatement, I was stressed out for two months on how to make it all come together. Planning a party in New York, from Hawaii with a 5 hour time difference is no easy task. My days were filled with waking up early to make phone calls. From deciding on if we can afford a party bus, or do we have to travel by limousine, which club we go to, and where dinner would be, I suddenly became the bachelorette party planning expert, well with the help of theknot.com, and amazingbacholoretteparties.com I found enough ideas so everyone could have a memorable time.

The budget remained a constant issue, so there were no psychics, no  tarot card readers, and no airplanes.  We did have a stripper, an amazing party bus, I found a great club, and we even had money to eat dinner, thank God!

A piece of information that I didn’t tell my best friend is that I almost did not think that I would make it to the actual party. See a few days before the party, my sister was sick with a stomach virus. In true bad luck fashion while shopping at Party City the night before the party I was not feeling so great. I started to feel extremely dizzy, nauseated, and knew I was about to vomit at any minute. I had no time to be sick. I still had to pick a friend up from the airport, and make sure everything was party ready for the next day. I went home and immediately took pepto , drank ginger tea, ginger ale, and anything else to lose that nausea feeling. The next morning I was about 70% better, still knew I had to either die, or make it to this party. I knew the only excuse that I would have to miss this party was if I was dead, so I needed to pull it together, and pull it together quick. I drank more pepto, more ginger everything, and went about the day. I didn’t have much of an appetite and I was afraid that food would make me vomit, so I didn’t eat much during the day. Well the only thing I ate was a piece of bread. My best friend was having a bachelorette party that I planned, my stomach needed to be on its best behavior. Well I made it through the day without passing out, and without vomiting, so I was ready to party (well slightly).  My motto: The party must go on, and I had to be there.

Did I get sick? Of course I did. By dinner time I was throwing up in the bathroom of BBQ’s. Not sure if that was stomach virus vomit or alcohol on an empty stomach vomit. Oh yeah, I still drank even though my stomach was not feeling so yummy all day. Hey don’t blame me, It was a bachelortte party!!! My nausea didn’t ruin the show however, I was better after dinner, and able to enjoy the club scene. And by the time we got home….well that was a completely different story, but the party was over and I survived through the night.

Considering the amount of worry I placed on myself, my first ever bachelorette party was the ultimate successes. The bride to be, had an awesome time, we were hung over for the next 72 hours to prove it. Everyone was happy and hung over. I no longer felt like the sucker who got stuck as the Maid of Honor, I felt like a real Maid of Honor, and a pretty good one at that.

Now that the bachelorette party is over, bring on the wedding! And I will proudly stand next to my best friend, smile, look cute, know that I can be a great Maid of Honor.

To be continued…

Side note:  The wedding is in March in the Bahamas, since everyone lives all over the world, bachelorette party was in December in New York, more like an end of the year blow out.

Positive thoughts, positive energy, positive experiences

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Adventures of my first Match.com Stir event

Match.com advert
Match.com advert (Photo credit: Adam Pilarski)

A few months ago (well like 2 to be exact) I decided to re-enter the world of online dating. I like to break up my dating patterns with periods of me not wanting to date so I forget why I hate it so much. Then I get bored and occasionally I get hungry. So I date, again.  Since I feel like I am working 100 hours a week, and really hate the bar scene, I decided to hit up my computer to find me a future husband. Bring it on Match.com, I’m ready! What can say I love meeting men while sitting in my pajamas, with messy hair, no make up, and eating a bowl of cereal, life doesn’t get any better than that.

The outcome: well lets just say I went on a date. Now that is a different story for a completely different day.

However, recently Match.com has started having Stir events. Events where people on match can meet  IN REAL LIFE, and you can pick who you want to date on the spot IN REAL LIFE! Sounds cool right? Uhhh hold that thought.

If you have a TV, I know you have seen the commercials for the Match events, and you probably even thought how cool it would be to attend one because they look life fun. Well I decided to go to one IN REAL LIFE, and umm fun is a nice word but I would like to say that AWKWARD is the more appropriate word for the whole Stir event.

Before I get into this story let me just give you a little caveat. To date in Honolulu is a different type of dating experience. Honolulu is small, so if you are single, you have probably seen many of the same single people at some type of event. A Match. com event is no different to the Meetup group for Honolulu singles. So if you want to save money join Meetup and socialize with other singles in Honolulu.

I will admit originally I thought going to this event was a great idea. Well it was actually held at a bar right across the street from my apartment building, so since I didn’t have to drive, even better!  I figured why not just go to see who shows up, maybe I might meet my husband. Then I remembered that this is MY reality and my life doesn’t exactly work like that.   So I went on the thought that I had nothing to lose, and since I was getting there an hour before it was over, one hour out of my life was not going to hurt, well at least not hurt too bad.

The Stir event was from 6-9  pm, I got there at 8. Really not my fault, had to work late, duty calls and clients need a good therapist. As I walked over I began to get nervous. Honestly as my elevator hit lobby and I walked outside of my building I began to think, “What the hell am I doing”, I wanted to run back upstairs, but I headed to the corner to proceed across the street.

As I stood at the stoplight I felt extra nervous, suddenly I realized that I was actually going to this alone. I then thought that I should have brought a friend along for moral support, or at least as a crutch so I would have someone to talk to. I began to feel scared. I kept walking towards the bar, still thinking “What the hell am I doing”. My mind was racing, well since my mind always races, it decided to race faster than ever. I had no idea what I was going to do or say, all I knew was that there was no turning back.

I walked up to the bar, met the bouncer, he was a very nice man. He asked me for my ID, and asked was I nervous. I lied and told him no. He wasn’t a dumb man, so he could read the look of nervousness and discomfort all over my face. I asked him how it was in there. For some reason I felt strangely comfortable talking to the bouncer at the door. He told me that it is like a seventh grade dance with boys on one side of the room and girls on the other. I hoped he was just joking, but a part of me did not really think he was joking. I laughed with him, then nervously went inside.

As I entered the room it appeared as your typical happy hour, but I knew it was like speed dating without the 8 minute time limit. I noticed people chatting, I guessed everyone already claimed who they were going to hook up with. I noticed some guys standing alone, and girls talking in groups. The bouncer was right, I was at a seventh grade dance expect everyone was either in their 20’s, 30’s, or 40’s.

I then headed to a comfortable space on the wall. Thank goodness for walls. Tempted to pull out my cell phone and act distracted, I then mentally slapped myself and refrained from using the cell phone distraction. I decided to be brave. No crutches of my friends, or my cellphone. Just be bare and let the magic happen.  I wanted to run out of the there in a time that was faster than my walk over to the bar, and trust me it did not take me that long to walk to the bar. Instead of leaving, I figured I would make myself busy and got a drink. I got a sprite. I don’t even drink soda. I would have drank something with a lot of vodka, but I was on call for work. So sprite it was, and the sprite was flat.

I paid for my flat sprite, and headed back to my spot on the wall. Less than 30 seconds later, I got my first hit. Well a guy started talking to me. I noticed him awkwardly standing next to me. He decided to speak. He was a very, very tall, White man. 38, divorced, in the army, from Oklahoma. Ok, so not my type!  But I am trying to be open-minded, I was at a Match.com event, so I engaged in a conversation. However, after his first question was, “so what do you do?”, I knew that this conversation was not going to last long.  He spoke, I listened. He asked questions, I answered. He asked if I wanted to sit down on the couch in the back of the bar area, the area where the deeper conversation happens, I went. Hey, why not a conversation can’t hurt right?

We spoke some more, I felt like I wanted to cut my wrist. I started to figure how I could plot my escape as he talked about his divorce from his wife of two years, and how he should have been an officer in the army instead of going in as enlisted. I looked to my right, I saw three girls talking and laughing on the couch, they looked “happy hour” happy. In front me I noticed a girl and guy appearing to have a great conversation. He was talking, she was laughing, they looked comfortable, I wondered if they would get married. Then I came back to my own awkward situation with the bitter divorced man who wanted to move back to Oklahoma, thoughts of how I would get away raced through my head.  He asked me if I ever watched “A Different World”, I chuckled as I said yes all the time when it was on. He then told me that I reminded me of Kim Resse from the show. I then thought, White men always say the strangest things to me.  Maybe he was just nervous, but since I liked Kim, I didn’t think too much of it.

Finally I decided I was done with him, I wanted to see if there was anyone else to meet, so I told him I was going to walk around and got up to leave. He said no problem. I was free! I looked around the room again, 20 seconds later I bolted for the door! I was done. My 12 minute experience at the Match.com stir event was complete, I felt good, it was 4 minutes longer than a speed date. I went back outside.

The bouncer who I actually felt comfortable talking to was still outside. He asked me if I was done, I told him that I was going back home to sit on my couch. He laughed. I spent the next 35 minutes talking to him. He has never been on Match.com, is from Jersey City, NJ, and has been living in Hawaii since 2004. Of course I would go to a social happy hour to meet single men, and end up talking to the bouncer of the bar. But it was a good conversation, he was funny, and easy to talk to. No  I didn’t get his number, but maybe I will see him around again.

Suddenly it was 9 pm the event was over. I was relieved that I had made it through. No dates, no numbers, no persons of interest, but I went. As I started to walk back home it started raining. Great no umbrella either. Now in the movies, girl walks home in the rain, cute guy comes out of nowhere with an umbrella and offers to walk her home. Next they start dating, and three months later they get married, have kids, live happily ever after. Oh wait my life is not a movie, it is my life,  I ended up wet. Better luck next time.

Positive thoughts, positive energy, positive experiences

http://“www.cupidslibrary.com/sites/match-com” rel=nofollow” 

Match.com
Match.com (Photo credit: PABLO.SALVADOR)

I want a wedding! But you can keep that whole marriage thing for yourself

Today in entertainment news it was announced that Kim Kardashian and her short-term husband Kris Humphries are getting divorced. Is anyone really shocked by this? Probably not (well apparently Kris is). Yet, the end of such a highly publicized relationship does lead some discussion about a more important topic: When you say yes to marrying someone, are you saying yes to the wedding, or yes to the actual marriage?

Kim and Kris were married 72 days. Wow only 72 days! Seasons last longer than that. They were a match made in reality T.V. heaven, maybe that was problem number one. Reality T.V. is not real life. When the cameras stop rolling, and the checks stop coming, you are actually stuck with a real person. The person that millions of people watched you say you were ready to spend the rest of your life with. Not the rest of the summer with. Marriage vows are supposedly said for a reason. For better or worse, until death do us part right? That is for real in real life.

Kim Kardashian at the Seventh Annual Hollywood...
Image via Wikipedia

The  point of this post is not to attack Kim and Kris for their decisions on their relationship. A lot of blame is being put on Kim for the whole wedding extravaganza, but Kris is an adult (even though he appeared a bit immature at times), he knew what he was walking into, he chose to keep walking.  Nobody has ever offered to pay me millions of dollars to watch me get married, maybe if someone did I might just get married and divorced real quick too.  I wonder if the sanctity of marriage has turned into a downgraded concept, that is easily replaced with the freedom of divorce. Is marriage really just a piece of paper with no meaning?

With age comes responsibility. I know a few married couples, I also know people who have been married and are now divorced.  A wedding is an exciting time for a woman. It starts from the moment of engagement. The ring! Most girls grow up dreaming of  the fairy tale wedding. Once the ring is placed, you can start planning your childhood fantasy, with  flowers, poofy dress and all. For some planning a wedding is a stressful time, but to make the fairy tale perfect stress must be involved.

One thing that I have come to realize it is easy to get married. I know I have said this before, anyone can get married. But getting married to the right person, and making the marriage work is the truly the hard part. The work should not start after the wedding is over, and the flowers have died. The work actually starts way before that. Before the engagement ring is even put on the women’s finger, both people should have a basic understanding that this marriage is going to be work. If either of you think otherwise, well then you may be filing for divorce in 72 days.

A wedding starts with a wedding planner. A marriage starts with communication. Communication should have started from day one. Okay, so maybe you were late with that communication thing, but it should have started way before the day of your dream wedding. In my work, I both love and hate doing marriage counseling. It is great to work with a couple that is at least agreeing to work on their marriage, but it is difficult to teach people to communicate when they never have  felt comfortable communicating before. Love should not hurt, and neither should communication, so proper communication takes a lot of work.

When I have counseled women who are  in intimate relationships, they often tell me they are afraid to communicate with their partner. I have heard many times, “if I tell him this, then he may leave me”. When I hear that I immediately think, well if you don’t tell him, then your relationship is based on a lie. When you lie to yourself, eventually the truth starts to eat you up mentally and physically.

A relationship also involves making expectations clear. If you have fear in expressing your expectations, say to yourself, “is this the type of marriage that I really want to enter into?”  Before the wedding, have the conversation about the expectations for your new family. Talk about where the both of you want to live, do the both of you want kids, how important is contact with the in-laws, everything down to the subject of  pets. If it is a topic to importance for you, say it to your partner. Your partner may not agree with you, but then at least you can have that conversation before the wedding.

Also, don’t go into a marriage with hope that the other person will eventually change their mind, or you can make them change their mind on something. That rarely is possible, and you will set yourself up for disappointment if you have that expectation. If they tell you straight up what they want or expect from the beginning, take that as a fact. You then have the choice to accept it or move on.

I can understand why Kim Kardashian may have been quick to want to marry. It was a fabulous wedding after all. She got to play princess for a day, and she was living every young girl’s fantasy of Cinderella marrying her Prince. Kim just turned 31, so the pressure from herself, her family, and society, to get married and start a family must hit at full speed (that feeling is one that I do actually know about). She has said that she wants a family;  how do you start a family? With a husband! Whether it was well thought out or not, Kris was the man with the ring, so he got the role of husband.  Kim is a beautiful girl, so no matter what happens she will have  no trouble finding a man. However, next time  now that she has had the dream wedding, she will take a little more time and plan an actual vision for the marriage.

If your marriage lasts less than 90 days do you have to return all the wedding gifts?

Positive thoughts, positive energy, positive experiences

Reality TV: An experiment in narcissism gone terribly wrong

Flash back to 1992. Anyone remember season one of The Real World? Seven strangers picked to live in a house with no Jacuzzi and no fancy colorful furniture. The Real World. My introduction to Reality Television.  Let’s think of it as my gateway drug so to speak. In 1992, The Real World a low budget social experiment. Very low budget. In 2011, the Real World season 1 house is a crappy New York loft compared to the modern-day Real World house. This seasons cast would be stunned if they arrived at a house of that form (although it might actually be funny to watch the arrival of a new cast to a house with that decor). The cast mates did not look like your next Playboy bunny, or Men’s Health model. They were regular people on TV. Seven real people with real life problems.

Stars of the original reality tv show, colour
Image via Wikipedia

 

 

What happened to the concept of reality television. Over the years, reality TV has exploited the lives of  many, and narcissism is spreading faster than a California wildfire.

I admit, I once loved a good reality TV show.  I had a strange addiction (I do relapse at times) to watching other people’s lives, while my own was just passing me by. I wanted to be on the Real World, and live in a house with six strangers. I went to college I was used to living with strangers, I was ready to be made famous by MTV. Or maybe not.

 Nearly 20 years after season 1 of the Real World, now mostly every TV station has their own reality TV show. Reality fills up the programming of Bravo and E!. Who do I need to talk to about getting my own show over there? I am exciting to watch, right? The cameras can be on me right now as I type this blog. I can even drink a glass of wine while typing for added enjoyment.

The “reality” of reality television is that so many people are willing to do anything to grab a quick 15 minutes of fame. Once the cameras have stopped rolling, the next struggle is to actually stay relevant. Sorry reality TV stars, Americans have a short attention span, once your time is up, it is really up.  There are always more people available who want to take their place on television.

In similar fashion as video killed the radio star, reality television has killed the actor. Sorry real actors. Watching people yell, scream, and poor drinks on each other is a much more entertaining form of scripted television. What ever happened to the sitcom? Oh wait, they still do exist sometimes. From watching Real Housewives who aren’t really housewives, to Basketball Wives who have never been married to a basketball player (and most likely never will be), we have managed to take the time to care a great deal  about other people’s lives to see what drama they will bring us on a weekly basis. What would be on E! network if the Kardashian family never existed? Kim Kardashian’s wedding special is really a 2 part series. Really? Don’t we all know what happens in the end anyway. What could they possibly show for 4 hours? I wonder, maybe some good old-fashioned staged tears, and complaints about virtually nothing. People are watching. Okay you got me, I may even watch just to see what the big deal is.

Yet, reality TV did teach us a few life lessons, let’s see who was actually paying attention:

1. Virtually anyone can instantly have reality TV fame. An adventure filled life is not needed. If you have a lot of money, even better. Overdramatize every aspect of your life, and BOOM, you’re a star!

2. Talent is not a necessity to attract an audience. So all of you people looking for your hidden talents to become a star can now stop. Just come as you are and we will accept you.

3. A pretty face and a hot body (preferably one that has been enhanced by a plastic surgeon) can take you a long way in life. Or, at least to a second or third season. Substance is not needed. Again ask Kim, Kendra, or that Tila Tequila chick.

4. If your mom is super power-hungry for her own fame, even better for you! Anyone watch Toddlers and Tiaras? Mom’s start taking lessons from Kris Jenner immediately.

5. Love on television does exist, sometimes. If your can’t find love on the bachelor, maybe you will find it on the bachelor pad. Keep trying, reality TV love is out there for you. Okay maybe not love, but a real quick hook up and dramatic breakup for sure!

Love And Other Forms Of Torture

Here is a little insight into me: My favorite movies are, Love and Basketball, How to lose a guy in 10 days, Serendipity, Brown  Sugar, and Coyote Ugly.  Ignoring the fact that all of these movies are sappy romantic chick flicks (that I usually rotate through on a regular basis), they have another incredibly huge common factor. The final scene of these movies all end up with the guy chasing the girl at the end, in some form or fashion the man ends up declaring his undying love for the leading lady. Mind you this happens after she has already thought she has lost him forever.  Girl feels like guy is gone, and guy dramatically shows that she is the one that he really loves. (I know it’s a movie so drama is a requirement) Got it!

So now lets take out the main characters, scenery, the sappy feelings of confusion turned into true love, and these are all virtually become the same movie. Here is what happens: Girl meets guy– girl and guy mutually like each other– they decide to try to fall in love– or play games to avoid the truth that they actually love each other– dramatic climax– girl and guy break away from each other–period of indecisiveness turned sadness–leading to the happy ending where guy chases girl and they both proclaim endless love to each other– finally they live happily ever after ( I assume). Conclusion: Chick flicks or romantic movies are actually adult forms of  Disney movies without the cartoons bursting out into song!

From the time girls are young we quickly learn about the notion of happily ever after. I can remember thinking “one day my prince will come” or just waiting for that Knight in shinning armor to come save me from….I am guessing myself to say the least. Little girls are groomed to be a princess. With dolls, dresses, and tiara’s, young girls love the idea of  being a Princess. However, as they grow older some still  hope that a prince charming will be the one to turn that storm cloud into a bright ray of sunshine. What is with that? When we are young it is magical thinking, when we are adults what do we call it? Maybe a delusion? Maybe wishful thinking? Whatever it is, I blame Hollywood.

As an adult we face reality. No more playing dress up in the princess costume, the costume gets replaced with a wedding dress, that may actually look like your childhood version of the princess costume. Yet, the reality of love isn’t as easy as a man running across the county on one leg for you, doing anything to prove that he loves you. I would like to think so. Maybe for some people they do get that childhood dream of being a princess.  I would like to think that the happily ever after exist, but does it?           

I am and probably will always will be a hopeless or helpless romantic (depending on which way you look at it). My friends laugh at me, but that’s alright, that’s just me. I like romance, you know the type that are in movies, and are sung about in love songs. Does it exist in real life? Well don’t ask me I’m single so I am yet to find out. But I am guessing someone out there has it.

A few months ago I saw the movie Love and Other Drugs with Jake Gyllenhaal, and Anne Hathaway. Cute movie. But it was also typical. The stuff that I only wonder about. Girl meets guy–somehow they fall in love–girl pushes guy away time after time–guy keeps coming back, every time going to another extreme to prove how much he loves her. I am assuming they then live happily ever after. He is the prince who saves her from herself. Now I will just wait for the Disney version to come out.

So while waiting for that prince to come, do we as women torture ourselves during the wait? Maybe Disney is to blame for coming up with that darn theme of Happily Ever After.  Perhaps it should be, kinda sorta, maybe, but not really happily ever after. Is it wrong to be a hopeless romantic, and expect for a guy to run after you when you push him away. Ok maybe not that serious, but at least to show you how important you are to him and how much you he wants to be with you. And women we can show the same. Is it wrong to have high expectations for your “prince”?  Whatever it is I know right now I am placing the blame on Disney and Hollywood for putting the idea out there that amazing, out of this world romantic love really exists. You know the type of love that only happens in the movies.

My letter to ABC: Can we add diversity to the Bachelor?

Rant Blog:

Dear ABC network,

Why is the Bachelor/Bachelorette so white bread? No really why is it so extremely white bread? I just don’t understand. Do you not realize that there are people of color who exist in this country, so how come a minority is yet to be chosen as the next Bachelor or Bachelorette?

Bachelorette,_The

I saw the advertisement saying to apply if I want to be on the show, but why do I have the strong sense that I will not be picked because I am an African American female? Now, now  I am not trying to call your station racist by any means, although there are plenty of racial undertones for the lack of minority presence on your network  however, I would like to just see a person of color actually have a chance at love too. I understand what your argument may be, you have the token black girl for the bachelor every once in a while who never makes it past the first few rose ceremonies or, you throw in one or two Hispanic girls to play the role of the sexy Latina.  Sure that is all well and great, but can minorities please stop being the token, and play the lead role. Sure Ali chose Roberto, well it’s a good thing she likes Hispanic men. But really he was one out of how many Hispanic men have been on this show in all the seasons?

I will admit, I am not an avid watcher of the Bachelor or the Bachelorette, and it may because every season is like the one before, except names a faces change.  ABC network, a touch of diversity will not kill the show.

Sure you may have your hesitations, understandable.  VH1 does a good job of exploiting the roles of African American’s looking for love, and I am sure the madness you must have witnessed on Flava of Love, or I Love New York doesn’t help the cause of having an African American Bachelor/Bachelorette on a reputable network such as yours. But I can assure you ABC, there are a plethora of very smart, talented, goal oriented, African American and Hispanic individuals who can play the lead role, and even live in a house together without your show turning into the theme show for all things ghetto. Minorities do have an equal amount of class as White Americans, and can keep the dignity of your network if the opportunity is given in the appropriate manner.

So ABC, take a minute to think about it, diversity! Now I know the next Bachelor will probably be one of the men whom Ali sent home, so he will be another White man. But at least attempt to change things up a bit, add some more African American or Hispanic women. Please more than just the token one or two that are there to mask your hidden underlying form of racism. Let’s really show that America is diverse and give other ethnicities and chance to find love on the Bachelor/Bachelorette.

And hey if your ratings go down at least you took a chance to show America something different.

THE BACHELOR: ON THE WINGS OF LOVE -