Reasonably Ludicrous

A handy list of Do’s an Don’t’s!

DO

Wander around your apartment in your underwear. Or, if you’re feeling ‘ballsy,’ completely naked! Your girlfriend was the one who always wanted you to “put some clothes on, for god’s sake.” You thought that was counterproductive–she was just going to take them off anyway! Well now’s your chance to feel those hard-to-reach spots get caressed by the winds of freedom rather than by someone who demands you come to every single one of her interpretive dance recitals. Enjoy it!

DO

Watch at least 5 episodes of Entourage or any other show that makes relationships look worthless and singleness seem awesome. Don’t you want to be those guys? Well, if you were dating, you couldn’t be.

DON’T

Watch The Notebook or Love, Actually, or anything that’s not about rampant casual sex or a lot of killing. Be careful. In some of those movies…

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Once Again Its Valentine’s Day (Don’t worry it only lasts 24 hours)

It’s that time of year again. The day of Love. Valentine’s Day. Again, I will never understand the concept of the day because when I love someone, I hope that I do love them everyday and not just because society tells me to love them specifically on February 14th. Yet, since I am a sucker for romance and a sappy chick flick, I must admit that I do love the feelings and atmosphere that surround February 14th. It is always nice to see an overabundance of diamonds, flowers, and chocolate in lovely heart shaped boxes.

I used to think that Valentine’s Day was a girl holiday (a large part of me still does). Seriously I thought men hated the whole concept of the day. My take was that men who had a significant other would go through the motions and slowly wait in misery for the day to be over. I have never known a man who was genuinely excited about Valentine’s Day. Then I met my ex. He told me that men celebrated Valentine’s Day too, and men should be given gifts just like gifts are given to women. I was perplexed. Huh? All this time I was thinking that Valentine’s Day was a girl holiday. Girls get roses, teddy bears and diamond rings. The Kay jewelers and Hallmark commercials taught me that men present women with gifts on Valentines day, so obviously that was the way the day went down. I always had expected a small gift from the man I was dating at the time, and as for them, umm lets just say I didn’t know what to get them because Valentine’s Day is a girl holiday!

The first Valentines day I celebrated with my ex was simple, well we weren’t actually in an exclusive relationship at the time, so I didn’t expect a gift. He did take me out so that was a nice dating celebration for the day. The next year that damn Valentine’s Day rolled around again, and since we were far and long into an exclusive relationship I guess I had to give him a gift. Although, in my head Valentine’s Day was still a girl day, and I felt like I was being bamboozled. For the sake of genuine happiness in the relationship I caved. Honestly I can’t remember what it was that I got him, I know it wasn’t expensive though, it was small something to say I love you. I could have done that on any given day of any month, however Hallmark told me it was Valentine’s Day so celebrate.

For people in a relationship who are low on a budget, Valentines Day can be an added expense. We just celebrated Christmas less than two months ago. With the blink of an eye, six short weeks into the new year then bam! Another gift giving day. Because of that I feel Valentine’s Day gifts should be small, simple gestures just to say I love you. A large, expensive, materialistic, gift is not always needed. Everyday words and actions that say “I love you” mean so much more than a gift on Valentine’s Day. And that both men and women can reciprocate.

So that ex boyfriend of mine that somehow convinced me that Valentine’s Day was not only a girl day, but a guy day too, well obviously he is an ex for a reason. No it is not just because he expected gifts on Valentine’s Day (even though that would be a funny reason for a woman to break it off with a man). But, we were able to come to a mutual agreement when it came to Valentine’s Day. We were able to do things to make each other feel special, to celebrate love not only February 14, but every day before and after it. It wasn’t about the dollar amount that went into the gift, but the love that would last when the flowers died, after I ate all the chocolate, and after I lost whatever piece of jewelry he would eventually give me. My favorite gift was the one that probably cost him the least amount of money. A CD of original songs that he recorded just for me. The price: the amount of one blank CD.

Valentine’s Day is a  lovely over publicized day. However, since romance is in the air go with it. If that cupid guy shoots you and you feel overjoyed with emotions of love, spread that love. No one should be overly stressed, sad, or increasingly depressed on Valentine’s Day, after all it is just another day. Show love every day, be creative with love, go against the norms and come straight from your heart. By showing the simplest amount of love, in the simplest way, you will defiantly earn the greatest results.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Now can someone tell me the truth, Do men really expect gifts on Valentine’s Day or is it a girl holiday?

GelGems (I love them) on train.
Image via Wikipedia

Positive thoughts, positive energy, positive experiences

The loss of a music icon: We will miss you Whitney

The music world has truly lost a legend. Whitney Houston was an icon, a visionary, an inspiration. Her soulful sounds set the bar in musical history, left to be unmatched. With the voice of an angel, her songs will continue to last through the decades, a true artist. She will be missed. Gone too soon, it is hard to believe that Whitney Houston has died at the young age of 48.

Just Whitney
Image via Wikipedia

The world  is not ready for the music to stop. Many were waiting for the great Whitney comeback tour that proved she too could overcome her trials and tribulations of the past. Much speculation has been talked about how she died, most people believing that her drug use eventually claimed her life. I would hate to believe that as true. Although it may take weeks or months until we truly know how Whitney really died, we know there is a cloud that has been placed over the music industry. At the Grammy’s tribute was paid to her memory, a marathon of her songs played on the radio, and currently her greatest hits album is at the top of iTunes. The impact of her death will continue to be felt for years to come.

Whitney was not perfect, she was not without faults, she was human. None of us are perfect, we are all guilty of bad decisions, wrong choices, and a plethora of mistakes. Whitney struggled with addiction. An addiction that she may have paid for with her life. In my job I work with many clients who suffer from drug addiction. It is never easy. Relapse is often inevitable. Intentions to quit may seem real, but the follow through is poor. It is a long tough road. I can only imagine what it is like to be a celebrity who is struggling with  drug addiction. Access is easy, the money is not a problem, the people are there, everything points you in the direction to use. Your biggest asset  becomes your own will power to say no, to want better for yourself, to not allow yourself to enter that road. Good luck. The temptation is great.  Whitney’s struggle was public, embarrassing at times to watch, we hoped, we prayed, we wanted to see her do better.

A legend has left this earth. A concert will be had in heaven. To her family I send out prayers and condolences. I pray that her daughter will find peace, to suddenly lose a parent at such a young age is a devastating experience. I remember my high school history teacher once saying;  in ancient history it was believed that some people were given a choice before they were born, they could choose to either live a long drawn out and boring life, or an entertaining life that will be great, but short. Whitney’s life has been cut short, but she surly hit a point where she was the pinnacle of greatness. She was given a life, and she lived it. Whitney Houston, you will be missed.

RIP Whitney  (August 9, 1963 – February 11, 2012)

Whitney Houston   -   Concert in Central Park ...
Whitney Houston - Concert in Central Park / Good Morning America 2009 (Photo credit: asterix611)

In the world of love and relationships not every question is a soup question

The initial dating or getting to know someone phase of a relationship can be tricky. After the first few dates are there any questions that are completely off-limits, or does the concept of a dating, or semi-maybe-possibly we’re dating relationship equate to an open forum of information between two people? Is taking the no holds bar, all questions are possible approach a good strategy for building your relationship?

When we first get to know someone, we do what is natural, we ask questions (or at least I do).  As I continue to talk to them more questions become relevant, and I get more answers. I hope the answers are truthful.  Yet, what if a question is presented, and I feel the question and the answer is not relevant to moving forward with the relationship? Basically it is a question about the past, and has little to do with the future status of the relationship we may or may not be working on building. Do I  have to answer all the questions, or is there a bit of myself that I can keep for myself?

I am a firm believer in transparency.  As you can tell I hold back little information, I write about my life on a blog. I am not a huge fan of lying, I have found many times that the truth always comes out, so I do my best to avoid the lie. Honesty is less stressful, it helps me to keep a clear conscience. So if I am dating someone, or thinking about a relationship with a new man, I will tell the truth all the way.  So when he asks a question, I hope he is prepared for the answer. If the question is asked I have an answer, but I wonder are some questions just blatantly inappropriate to be asking in the first place?

For instance,  when it comes to the issue of sex and past sexual relationships, are detailed questions about a persons sexual past necessary to ask. Now I am not talking about questions like when was the last time you had an STD test, or do you currently have an STD? That I want to know, and if intimacy is to be had, that conversation should be had.  Let’s be honest, HIV is real and I don’t want you to kill me. HPV is more widespread than ever, and herpes is on the rise (I don’t care how happy those people look on the Valtrex commercial). So, if we need to talk about STD tests, yes I want to have  that conversation. That conversation I will bring up myself.

However other questions appear less relevant,  such as how many people have you slept with, or when was the last time you had sex? Are those need- to- know questions if you are not actually in a relationship with someone?  If you are in a relationship does the basis of your relationship change if you know how many people your partner has been with in his or her past?  Are those questions ever OK? If it happened in the past, is it so wrong to leave the past right there.

I say this because I have had men  ask me those very questions, they weren’t even my boyfriend, I was still trying to determine if they were good enough to be boyfriend potential.  I have also heard of men asking other women those questions. To some women (or men) in this situation who get asked those particular questions the saying, “Ask me questions and I will tell you no lies” may come into play. Since I like transparency I will give an honest answer. I give an honest answer for two reasons, number 1: my sex life is nothing I am ashamed of, and number 2: at this point we haven’t reached the point of being in a solid exclusive relationship, I would like any man who wants to know me, to know me for who I am.  Would I ever think those questions are relevant? No.

Some men will be quick to judge a woman by how many men she has slept with in the past. That I will never understand. If he has had previous sexual encounter, why would he expect for her to have a whole lot less sexual encounters of her own. I know men are glorified by their sexual experience, and women are labeled as a slut or hoe if she has too much sexual experience (still not sure who determines exactly what is too much, but oh well). That standard really needs to change. Newsflash to all men: Women are having sex, and they like it!  Sorry men, unless you are number 1, anything after that really doesn’t matter. Start from where you are at in your new relationship and go from there.  If you have expectations for a committed monogamous relationship then state it. Be assured with from that day forward  you will be the only man she is sleeping with, all those other men are non factors. If you want to know the last time she had sex before she was exclusive with you take a moment, breathe, then ask yourself, “Why is this important for me to know”? Continue with,”What what answer am I already expecting”? Trust me, the actual answer will probably be vastly different from the one you are expecting, so then again say to yourself, “Why is this important to me”? How would you feel if she asked you the same question? Would you be honest?

In relationships, yes, many questions should be asked, and truthful answers need to be given. When talking about intimacy and sexual health, it should be an open forum for a conversation between two people. When talking about past sexual relationships that is usually a tricky grey area. It would help to keep the questions relevant, don’t assume the answer will make you feel good about yourself. The answer may be shocking. It may hurt.  Expect the truth. If the truth scares you, then next time be careful about the questions you ask. The best relationships start with honesty and an open mind. Everyone has a past, but new relationships work best when they are focused on the present, and plans are made for the future.

Have you ever been asked a question when starting a brand new relationship that you just really did not want to answer?

Positive thoughts, positive energy, positive experiences

P.U.S.H. (Pray Until Something Happens)

prayer..Pray Until Something Happens. I remember seeing that somewhere (probably on a  Facebook status), but it is a line that has been stuck in my mind recently.

Recently I have been undergoing severe writer’s block. I have been going through a period of having ideas to write about, thoughts about what I want to say, yet I am missing the words to express these thoughts. My mind is not connecting properly. It is a frustrating experience, you ever want to speak on something but cannot find the right words to say it. I feel like that now. I attribute that feeling to a period of overwhelm. I like to describe it as brain overload. Some days I feel like my brain is about to explode. Too much information, but the inability to disseminate the information properly. The outcome, an inner explosion of meaningless thoughts. So once again I come to a point where I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to change it so I take the easy route I PUSH (Pray Until Something Happens).

I am a firm believer of the power of prayer, if you are not that’s fine.  I wont force you to pray or force you to believe in a higher power. I believe in the power of prayer because it has worked for me. Now no I haven’t had a life changing miracle moment where I am suddenly healed from a deathly illness, but I have had small moments where prayer has kept me going in life. When I get scared, I pray, when I feel angry, I pray, and when I feel like my life is lost and I don’t know what direction to turn, I pray. I keep praying because I know something will happen. I don’t feel alone anymore, God takes the burden with each prayer so I am assured that something is happening.

In my career, some days I feel overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by confusion and lack of immediate thought. I am a Therapist, I find people look to me for answers. Most days I don’t have an answer. The constant interaction with clients who suffer from strong feelings of depression or suicidal thoughts is emotionally draining. Clients look to me for help, they look to me to make it better. I pray that I am able to do that. But some days I feel like I can’t do it, I start to feel as if  I have given all my positive energy away to clients and I have nothing left for myself. The burden has then caught up to me. I want to crawl in between the sheets of my bed, put the comforter over my head and disappear. When I get the feeling of wanting to go away, I have to find just a small amount of energy deep down inside to keep going and PUSH. In order to PUSH not much energy is required, so it is simple. To keep going and believing takes a leap of faith, a faith that has to stay constant for something to happen. I then get back to finding me.

Eventually I get up. I wipe the problems of others off me. I keep going. I find my energy and eventually I am better able to  help my clients to keep going. I often find myself asking them what helps them to keep going, and yes they usually have a response. Many of them have faith that it will get better, they have the belief that life will always get better. So no matter how bad it seems, no matter how stuck you are in the moment, and no matter how overwhelming life may get, if you are able to just PUSH, God is already working to make something happen.

 

 

Positive thoughts, positive energy, positive experiences