Recently I have been undergoing severe writer’s block. I have been going through a period of having ideas to write about, thoughts about what I want to say, yet I am missing the words to express these thoughts. My mind is not connecting properly. It is a frustrating experience, you ever want to speak on something but cannot find the right words to say it. I feel like that now. I attribute that feeling to a period of overwhelm. I like to describe it as brain overload. Some days I feel like my brain is about to explode. Too much information, but the inability to disseminate the information properly. The outcome, an inner explosion of meaningless thoughts. So once again I come to a point where I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to change it so I take the easy route I PUSH (Pray Until Something Happens).
I am a firm believer of the power of prayer, if you are not that’s fine. I wont force you to pray or force you to believe in a higher power. I believe in the power of prayer because it has worked for me. Now no I haven’t had a life changing miracle moment where I am suddenly healed from a deathly illness, but I have had small moments where prayer has kept me going in life. When I get scared, I pray, when I feel angry, I pray, and when I feel like my life is lost and I don’t know what direction to turn, I pray. I keep praying because I know something will happen. I don’t feel alone anymore, God takes the burden with each prayer so I am assured that something is happening.
In my career, some days I feel overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by confusion and lack of immediate thought. I am a Therapist, I find people look to me for answers. Most days I don’t have an answer. The constant interaction with clients who suffer from strong feelings of depression or suicidal thoughts is emotionally draining. Clients look to me for help, they look to me to make it better. I pray that I am able to do that. But some days I feel like I can’t do it, I start to feel as if I have given all my positive energy away to clients and I have nothing left for myself. The burden has then caught up to me. I want to crawl in between the sheets of my bed, put the comforter over my head and disappear. When I get the feeling of wanting to go away, I have to find just a small amount of energy deep down inside to keep going and PUSH. In order to PUSH not much energy is required, so it is simple. To keep going and believing takes a leap of faith, a faith that has to stay constant for something to happen. I then get back to finding me.
Eventually I get up. I wipe the problems of others off me. I keep going. I find my energy and eventually I am better able to help my clients to keep going. I often find myself asking them what helps them to keep going, and yes they usually have a response. Many of them have faith that it will get better, they have the belief that life will always get better. So no matter how bad it seems, no matter how stuck you are in the moment, and no matter how overwhelming life may get, if you are able to just PUSH, God is already working to make something happen.
Positive thoughts, positive energy, positive experiences