Conversations With God

  One day a few weeks ago I was feeling really lonely. Not lonely because I missed anyone, and it wasn’t a literal type of lonely. I was just lonely on the inside. A sudden emptiness that overcame my sense of presence. I couldn’t figure out why I was feeling so empty inside. I wanted to just be in a different place but I did not know how to get there. Through the feelings of emptiness came a cloud of sadness. It wasn’t a new feeling, I had been in that space before so I wasn’t alarmed. The re occurrence of that  feeling was an eye opener for me, I knew what I needed to do to get out of it, it was time for a much-needed conversation with God.

Every so often I may start to miss my family and friends on the east coast. Sometimes I just miss being around people who have known me for a long time, and even know what I am thinking without even saying a word. My longtime friends know when my smiles are forced, and can tell by the sound of my voice when I am feeling troubled. I must say that those are the times that I actually will not talk to them,  since I live close to 5000 miles away, I can hide my feelings by not picking up the phone. However, I do try to speak with my mom at least once a week, usually on Sunday, and every Sunday I get the same question; “Did you go to church today”. Honestly most Sundays the answer is no. The no is not even because I choose sleep over church.  I wake up extra early on Sunday’s to make it to the gym for my weekly spin class. The excuse is really after the gym I come home, eat, and relax from my morning workout. The truth is, in reality I am avoiding God. I am avoiding a much-needed, overdue conversation between me and God.

When the lonely feeling came back, I knew it because it hit me in the gut. (I wonder if that is God punching me in the stomach)  Yet, I knew exactly what I needed to do to remedy the situation. I no longer let that lonely feeling overwhelm me with depressive thoughts because I understand where it comes from.  It frequently happens when I stop listening to God, and start listening to myself.

During  one conversation with my mom she told me, “you need to go back to church”. I guess she picked up on my monotone voice as if something was bothering me.  Her tone was like any caring mother, one of not really telling me, but still telling me what she expected me to do. So, I listened. That Sunday I went to church and decided to come face to face with God.

I must admit my spirituality is somewhat of a lifelong struggle. I am a Christian. However, I could use a lot of work on my relationship with God. I go to church and sit. Yes, I am a church sitter. I like to go listen to the sermon, and then go home. Not the most Christian like thing to do, so that is one of the areas that I have told God I will work on. I am at times conflicted about what to believe in the bible, mainly because the bible was written by man, more precisely A MAN. I still and will always believe in God, I trust in faith, but when it comes to the bible…well lets just say that I still have some questions.

That Sunday while I was in church I decided I was ready to have my conversation with God. Truthfully, I was not really sure what that conversation would look like. Was God like my own personal therapist, does he just sit and listen while I talk? Or, does God answer back with sound words of advice?  God already knows everything that is going on in my life so I don’t have to explain the whole background story, maybe he does all the talking and I just listen. In my head are images of me and God sitting on a comfy couch having a conversation.  I talk, and he is giving a gentle smirk to all out laughter because he sees my life as a daily comedy show.  Sometimes, I know God is sitting back and laughing,  inside I am laughing right along with him. I feel like God and I are old friends, we could talk for hours, he would tell me everything I need to know about life. When we talk I know that everything will be alright. God is always able to make everything alright.

In church, I talked to God.  I listened to God’s response. In the car on my way home I continued the conversation, and when I got home the conversation just kept going. I realized I don’t need to hide from God, HE already knows what I want to say and, what I need to say.  Every so often,  I  get confused if it is God I am listening to or just my voice in my own head. When that I happens I know I need to slow down and listen harder. God knows. God knows all.

Lately, I have met a few men who have started conversations with me  before and after church, we have even exchanged numbers. Oddly enough I know God is waiting for me to have that conversation with him. I will talk, and he will sit back and smile.  I can just see that Godly smirk right now, the smirk of inner peace saying that everything is going to be alright.

Can our President ever be a True Atheist?

Food for thought blog:

You ever wonder what would happen if the elected President of the United States was an Atheist. Would this ever be possible? Probably not. The power of the church is impeccable and no candidate would probably have a chance in an election if they openly denied religion or the power of God. The church would not allow them to take over the Oval Office. But considering the world that we live in, a world filled with hypocrisy, hate, war, and greed, would it really make a difference if we had an elected official who openly denied a connection to any religious practice.

I have heard Obama called everything from Christian, to Muslim, to Atheist. Obama is an outright Christian, but when his opinions differ from others, he will be called whatever name works best for them. But what if Obama really was an Atheist, how would that change the way we view him as a President, or the way he leads the country? Whatever happened to the separation of Church and State in government? Did that die with the founding fathers?

Would Darwin have made a horrible President? Some would say yes. In our country there are very smart and rational individuals who do not believe in a higher power who would make a really good President if we give them a chance. The evolutionist may actually make good leaders because they make decisions based on pure factual knowledge. No hunches, or intangible ideas. Pure facts. That would have been useful when we were looking for those non-existent weapons of mass destruction. Maybe an entire war could have been prevented, lives could have been spared, and money could have been saved. If only we had a leader that made moves off factual knowledge and not theory that just sounds good at the time.

I once read a survey that stated that Atheist knew more about religion than people who actually claim to belong to a religious group. Does anyone else see something wrong with that? Well it may seem that Atheist know why they do not follow a religion, instead of just following a religion because someone told them to. Hey that seems like a smart move to me. Research then choose, don’t just choose because we are told to. The mind runs deeper than that.

I say this because it appears that religion has become a point of use, only when needed. Only to make a point. Somewhere along the centuries, the force of religion has been watered down to our own personal use. To when it suites me best, I will find a quote from the bible to make my point. People who are against abortion, gay marriage, and giving women equality frequently quote the bible. But are they quoting the bible in other aspects of life, or only to prove their personal viewpoints. I have always thought that God has all the power to judge, and HE is the only judge. So who are we as humans to judge others for their life choices when we are all sinners and can be judged in one way or another?Red Bible Hard Cover

Members of congress quote the bible when they want to vote against something that they choose to say as morally wrong. But then we may also see them cheating on their wives, paying for sex with women, stealing from the people, filled in a scandal of corruption, or even having sex with a male prostitute in a bathroom.  Whatever happened to those verses they were quoting when they were doing their own form of sin? But it is Ok, because they believe in God, they can repent, and then move on to do it again.

So what if we had a President, who did have morals and values, and just stuck to them! They may not be religious morals, but they have a personal moral code. What if we had a President who was honest, lived with integrity, and did not judge others but allowed equal rights for all human beings. A president who makes decisions based on facts, and upholds the separation between church and state. This President does not believe in a God, but has no problems allowing others to believe in God. This President will have the qualities of a true Christian, however, does not define their individual sense of self by a religious group.

This may never happen, or at least not for a long time. Our money states “In God we Trust”, so whoever is sitting in that Oval Office, and making the decisions for the people of our country better believe that there is a God to trust and have faith in.

rainbow, church