The Maid of Honor wedding diaries (part 1)

Here is a piece of backdated good news. In 2012 my best friend got engaged. With a 2012 engagement, comes an exciting 2013 wedding. Now I have known my best friend for the past 15 years. We met in 10th grade, and have stuck together ever since (well that was before I moved to Hawaii). However,  prior to my move to the other side of the world, we remained in close proximity of each other. We survived each other through the torturous high school days, through four years of college, and slummed through our post college days together.

If there is one person who knows me and all my crazy, well I must say it is her, and that makes us best friends. So when she told me she was getting married, I was nothing less than excited. If one of us gets married, then it is like both of us getting married. We always say that combined we would make the perfect wife, we just needed one man who could take the both of us (well not literally), but she found a pretty good man, and in turn we get to have a wedding.

With wedding excitement in the air, she informed me that I will be the Maid of Honor. Instantly I was overjoyed, just because being the Maid of Honor sounded so cool to me. Then I quickly realized that I had  no type of the slightest idea what a Maid of Honor does. You guessed it, quicker than I could blink my eyes, that joy turned to anxiety. My next move…I do what any non suspecting, I have never done this before Maid of Honor does…I Google it. Yup, I Googled” what the heck does a Maid of Honor do”. That actually worked pretty well, Google had a lot of great and not so great websites to help the lost, confused, unorganized Maid of Honor.

After I completed my Google search, my next thought was…man I hope I don’t suck at this. See my best friend, the one who is getting married, has done a lot for me over our 15 year relationship. If females have a better half, she is my better half. She would be the world’s best Maid of Honor, she would know what to do, and pull out all the stops. My only hope is that I can be half as good. I suck at planning, organizing, and staying calm when the sky is about to fall, so why would anyone think that I would really be a good Maid of Honor. However, since I was picked, (and your not allowed to say no to these type of things…right?)I guess I need to do my best to just suck it up and kick major Maid of Honor ass.

After my Google search, I went to two of my other friends to inquire more about this Maid of Honor stuff. They have both previously held that role, so I figured they would know best what to do. The outcome…well I was told about a book I could read to help me prepare (wait is this a test?), and I was told that it would be a lot of work.  Enter the common theme;  every time I tell someone that I am the Maid of Honor the response is, “wow that’s a lot of work”. Wait! This is not my wedding, this is HER wedding, I am just the Maid of Honor! I stand in a pretty dress next to the bride, make sure that she gets down the aisle, smile, and take cute pictures.  No Google didn’t tell me that, but that’s what I made up in my head.

What did Google tell me? That it was going to be a lot of work.

Suddenly I began to feel like the Sucker of Honor. I love my girl to death, but planning and picking up loose ends is just not my thing. I don’t make decisions, I’m a Pisces, the emotionally crazy sign of the zodiac.  Good thing her wedding is set at a resort in the Bahamas, so I don’t have to worry about minor details like flowers, and things going completely wrong. If I am lucky, I can really get away with smiling and looking cute, oh and making sure that she gets down that aisle.

And now for the Bachelorette Party

One task in the is whole Maid of Honor saga that was very important was the bachelorette party. That was MY TASK. My very own make or break this Maid of Honor moment. It happened this past weekend and it was the one thing that I had to take control over, the one moment to show my best friend that I could handle this whole Maid of Honor thing, despite how scary, overwhelming, and anxiety provoking  google made it sound.

The planning for the bachelorette party was tough. When it all seemed like it was going to fall apart I wondered how I got stuck holding the the task of this major event, I was told it was because I was the Maid of Honor. Oh.

I knew I wanted to have an epic party that we could always remember and laugh about, and hey since it may be the only bachelorette party that we have the chance to attend,  it would be the party that was the finale of all parties. So how would I make that happen?

In my regular life, I am a dreamer, I have great ideas, little of which could actually be reality. So in planning a bacholorette party, my party was one that would be a major blow out. In my head there would be a psychic, a tarot card reader, a stripper, a club, a party bus, an airplane, a beach, and a ton a food. But let’s be real, a major party costs major money, and when planning on a budget big great ideas, get cut to little great ideas.

My next thought…How can we have a major single girl finale with a little bit of money?

Due to money constraints the party planning was tough, well tough is an understatement, I was stressed out for two months on how to make it all come together. Planning a party in New York, from Hawaii with a 5 hour time difference is no easy task. My days were filled with waking up early to make phone calls. From deciding on if we can afford a party bus, or do we have to travel by limousine, which club we go to, and where dinner would be, I suddenly became the bachelorette party planning expert, well with the help of theknot.com, and amazingbacholoretteparties.com I found enough ideas so everyone could have a memorable time.

The budget remained a constant issue, so there were no psychics, no  tarot card readers, and no airplanes.  We did have a stripper, an amazing party bus, I found a great club, and we even had money to eat dinner, thank God!

A piece of information that I didn’t tell my best friend is that I almost did not think that I would make it to the actual party. See a few days before the party, my sister was sick with a stomach virus. In true bad luck fashion while shopping at Party City the night before the party I was not feeling so great. I started to feel extremely dizzy, nauseated, and knew I was about to vomit at any minute. I had no time to be sick. I still had to pick a friend up from the airport, and make sure everything was party ready for the next day. I went home and immediately took pepto , drank ginger tea, ginger ale, and anything else to lose that nausea feeling. The next morning I was about 70% better, still knew I had to either die, or make it to this party. I knew the only excuse that I would have to miss this party was if I was dead, so I needed to pull it together, and pull it together quick. I drank more pepto, more ginger everything, and went about the day. I didn’t have much of an appetite and I was afraid that food would make me vomit, so I didn’t eat much during the day. Well the only thing I ate was a piece of bread. My best friend was having a bachelorette party that I planned, my stomach needed to be on its best behavior. Well I made it through the day without passing out, and without vomiting, so I was ready to party (well slightly).  My motto: The party must go on, and I had to be there.

Did I get sick? Of course I did. By dinner time I was throwing up in the bathroom of BBQ’s. Not sure if that was stomach virus vomit or alcohol on an empty stomach vomit. Oh yeah, I still drank even though my stomach was not feeling so yummy all day. Hey don’t blame me, It was a bachelortte party!!! My nausea didn’t ruin the show however, I was better after dinner, and able to enjoy the club scene. And by the time we got home….well that was a completely different story, but the party was over and I survived through the night.

Considering the amount of worry I placed on myself, my first ever bachelorette party was the ultimate successes. The bride to be, had an awesome time, we were hung over for the next 72 hours to prove it. Everyone was happy and hung over. I no longer felt like the sucker who got stuck as the Maid of Honor, I felt like a real Maid of Honor, and a pretty good one at that.

Now that the bachelorette party is over, bring on the wedding! And I will proudly stand next to my best friend, smile, look cute, know that I can be a great Maid of Honor.

To be continued…

Side note:  The wedding is in March in the Bahamas, since everyone lives all over the world, bachelorette party was in December in New York, more like an end of the year blow out.

Positive thoughts, positive energy, positive experiences

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Reality TV: An experiment in narcissism gone terribly wrong

Flash back to 1992. Anyone remember season one of The Real World? Seven strangers picked to live in a house with no Jacuzzi and no fancy colorful furniture. The Real World. My introduction to Reality Television.  Let’s think of it as my gateway drug so to speak. In 1992, The Real World a low budget social experiment. Very low budget. In 2011, the Real World season 1 house is a crappy New York loft compared to the modern-day Real World house. This seasons cast would be stunned if they arrived at a house of that form (although it might actually be funny to watch the arrival of a new cast to a house with that decor). The cast mates did not look like your next Playboy bunny, or Men’s Health model. They were regular people on TV. Seven real people with real life problems.

Stars of the original reality tv show, colour
Image via Wikipedia

 

 

What happened to the concept of reality television. Over the years, reality TV has exploited the lives of  many, and narcissism is spreading faster than a California wildfire.

I admit, I once loved a good reality TV show.  I had a strange addiction (I do relapse at times) to watching other people’s lives, while my own was just passing me by. I wanted to be on the Real World, and live in a house with six strangers. I went to college I was used to living with strangers, I was ready to be made famous by MTV. Or maybe not.

 Nearly 20 years after season 1 of the Real World, now mostly every TV station has their own reality TV show. Reality fills up the programming of Bravo and E!. Who do I need to talk to about getting my own show over there? I am exciting to watch, right? The cameras can be on me right now as I type this blog. I can even drink a glass of wine while typing for added enjoyment.

The “reality” of reality television is that so many people are willing to do anything to grab a quick 15 minutes of fame. Once the cameras have stopped rolling, the next struggle is to actually stay relevant. Sorry reality TV stars, Americans have a short attention span, once your time is up, it is really up.  There are always more people available who want to take their place on television.

In similar fashion as video killed the radio star, reality television has killed the actor. Sorry real actors. Watching people yell, scream, and poor drinks on each other is a much more entertaining form of scripted television. What ever happened to the sitcom? Oh wait, they still do exist sometimes. From watching Real Housewives who aren’t really housewives, to Basketball Wives who have never been married to a basketball player (and most likely never will be), we have managed to take the time to care a great deal  about other people’s lives to see what drama they will bring us on a weekly basis. What would be on E! network if the Kardashian family never existed? Kim Kardashian’s wedding special is really a 2 part series. Really? Don’t we all know what happens in the end anyway. What could they possibly show for 4 hours? I wonder, maybe some good old-fashioned staged tears, and complaints about virtually nothing. People are watching. Okay you got me, I may even watch just to see what the big deal is.

Yet, reality TV did teach us a few life lessons, let’s see who was actually paying attention:

1. Virtually anyone can instantly have reality TV fame. An adventure filled life is not needed. If you have a lot of money, even better. Overdramatize every aspect of your life, and BOOM, you’re a star!

2. Talent is not a necessity to attract an audience. So all of you people looking for your hidden talents to become a star can now stop. Just come as you are and we will accept you.

3. A pretty face and a hot body (preferably one that has been enhanced by a plastic surgeon) can take you a long way in life. Or, at least to a second or third season. Substance is not needed. Again ask Kim, Kendra, or that Tila Tequila chick.

4. If your mom is super power-hungry for her own fame, even better for you! Anyone watch Toddlers and Tiaras? Mom’s start taking lessons from Kris Jenner immediately.

5. Love on television does exist, sometimes. If your can’t find love on the bachelor, maybe you will find it on the bachelor pad. Keep trying, reality TV love is out there for you. Okay maybe not love, but a real quick hook up and dramatic breakup for sure!

Dating 101- Start By Breaking All The Rules!

An astronomical amount of money is being made off of exploiting single women. It is a market where people portray as wanting to help but really feed off of desperation.

Bookstores are over flooded with relationship books aimed particularly at women. The topics range from how to find a date, how to get that man to commit, how to get him to marry you, and the hundreds of different rules on dating. It is no wonder that so many women act a little bit crazy when it comes to dating. Some will never know what is right or wrong, what to really say, how to really act, and when to really leave because that man you are dating was never any good to begin with. But you followed all the rules, and you got him to commit. Even if that commitment makes you just a tad bit miserable on a daily basis.

There are seminars held for women on how to catch a man and keep him. While these seminars are not cheap, many women line up to attend. Do they work? I hope so because they take time and money. In fact you should be able to walk out of one with your very own personal husband. At least then I would know that I got my money’s worth. You pay enough money to learn how to find a man, so why not just give you one at the end of the class. Do they have similar seminars for men on how to find a woman? If so, do men actually attend?

Some women hold on to relationship books as if it is their very own personal bible, or textbook. Pages are highlighted, sticky notes hold important facts, and some women end up quoting these books to their friends and family. Next someone should create the college course on “How to find a man 101”, I am sure many female students and even professors will sign up to take that course. Heck, maybe they will let me teach it! Oh wait, I am still single so I guess I wouldn’t be the best candidate. But then again, I know how to find a man (actually we all do), but maybe I can teach a course in how to find one, since that is the main objective.

Steve Harvey has made a fortune exploiting women’s insecurities about being single. He has found a market that is a gold mine. The insecure single woman!  They have launched his book to the New York Times best sellers list, and someone thought that they even let him come with a second book. Everyday a new relationship book, or article is passed around from woman to woman. These books are the topics of book club discussions and, work lunch chatter. Even the Jersey Shore’s own Jwoww wrote a book on “The Rules” of dating. Don’t worry my book will be in stores soon, I hope it becomes a best seller.

Since dating advice is a big market for success, let me add in my own two cents. (Maybe I will be famous tomorrow)

With all the different so-called “rules” of dating, there really are No Rules! Rules are meant to be broken, so just break them. You may find that you get better success breaking the rules than following your highlighted sentences in your dating advice book.  Dating is not simple. It does not break down into a map, or a blueprint that will lead you to a husband at the end. If it did then we would all be paired up with someone. Dating is complex, because people are complex beings. Not all women are alike and certainly not all men are alike. Therefore, look at the person you are dealing with, and make your next move person specific.

Other Things- Not Rules

To call or not to call: As a woman should you ask a man for his number? Well you can sit and wait for him to ask. But what if he doesn’t ask?  The you will sit and drive yourself crazy wondering why he has not asked for your number of course. So if you want to talk to him, ask for his number. If that turns him off or sends him away, then tell him to kick rocks that was not the man for you. And you will have to admit to yourself that he was ambivalent about you in the first place because he never asked for your number.

To email or not to email: When dating online you may wonder if you should send a message to a person of interest. Well if you want to talk to him then you should. Why not? Oh that might turn him off right? Well again, tell him to kick rocks. You are saving yourself trouble for later. Send a message, if there is interest, then its not a problem.

To ask out on a date or not ask out: Well do you want to hang out with him or not? Yes, a man will ask you out if he wants to spend time with you. But, if you want to go out with him and see what the vibe is like then invite him out. Keep it simple please! For instance, if you were going to see a free concert, grab a cup of coffee, or go to the beach, ask him if he would like to come along. No harm in inviting him to spend time with you. You were going to go anyway, so if he turns you down you can still have fun without him. Again keep it simple! I say that because you don’t want the awkwardness of who is going to pay for this date since you asked him to come along.

To make the first contact after the first date: Sure why not! Just not too soon, you don’t want to smother. But if its the next day, and you want to say hello, call, text, or email. If you are afraid of him losing interest because of that small contact, well you already know…tell him to kick rocks! If that turns him off, then he really wasn’t that into you anyway.

Save yourself the trouble of ending up in a complicated situation later by weeding out the bad ones in the beginning. Please don’t be afraid to quote Jay-Z and say, “on to the next one”! And trust me there will be a next one.

Relationship Non-Negotiables: What’s on your list?

Relationships poster

Recently I have been hearing a lot of buzz about having 5 Non- Negotiables while dating. Apparently both men and women should have at least 5 non-negotiables when looking for a mate to avoid settling for someone with particular characteristics that you would rather avoid.

Is that a good or bad idea? Well, I’ll let you be the judge of that.

These non-negotiables are the 5 things that you would not compromise in a relationship no matter who you meet or what happens around the circumstances of meeting that person. After taking some time out to think about it I can see why it is important to make a list of  at least 5 non-negotiables. With that out of the way you can set a bar for yourself, and establish a strong sense of personal integrity when it comes to dating because you will be certain not to stray from what is important to you first. With that you can rule out who you don’t want to date, and focus in on a particular individual who will complement your own personal lifestyle. Note: I said COMPLEMENT, NOT COMPLETE!

So after much thought (well not really, I already knew what I was not negotiating on) I have come up with my own 5 Non-Negotiables. To some readers,  my list may be a bit harsh, sorry for that. But, for me it is what I know I do not want in a man. To enjoy my own personal sense of happiness I have to be honest with that.

At one time I firmly believed in the theory of compromise. I figured if you wanted to have the right relationship, not perfect, but a relationship that works, then there would always be room for compromise, no matter the issue. If you met the person you wanted to be with then you would be willing to make compromises, and adjust to them right? Well apparently not. In relationships I can have up to 5 things that I just can’t stand for. And trust me it defiantly makes the rule out process a whole lot easier!

So here is my list of my 5 Non-Negotiables that I reference when dating.

1. Must have a job.

2. Must have a sense of humor, and outgoing personality.

3. Must be able to hold a decent conversation, and communicate well.

4. Must be a non-smoker, and non-drug user while I’m at it

5.  Must have ambition for life, and a plan for continuous future growth.

Now in thinking about what I would consider to be my 5 non-negotiables, I know myself well enough to know what I will not stand for in a relationship. Although I understand that people do change, I am not in the business of forcing change on anyone. I like to know what I am getting into upfront so I can walk away if I am not satisfied. So while dating, or if you are already in a relationship, be who you are, know what you want, and make sure you have a solid list on the 5 things that you know you will not stand for!

My letter to ABC: Can we add diversity to the Bachelor?

Rant Blog:

Dear ABC network,

Why is the Bachelor/Bachelorette so white bread? No really why is it so extremely white bread? I just don’t understand. Do you not realize that there are people of color who exist in this country, so how come a minority is yet to be chosen as the next Bachelor or Bachelorette?

Bachelorette,_The

I saw the advertisement saying to apply if I want to be on the show, but why do I have the strong sense that I will not be picked because I am an African American female? Now, now  I am not trying to call your station racist by any means, although there are plenty of racial undertones for the lack of minority presence on your network  however, I would like to just see a person of color actually have a chance at love too. I understand what your argument may be, you have the token black girl for the bachelor every once in a while who never makes it past the first few rose ceremonies or, you throw in one or two Hispanic girls to play the role of the sexy Latina.  Sure that is all well and great, but can minorities please stop being the token, and play the lead role. Sure Ali chose Roberto, well it’s a good thing she likes Hispanic men. But really he was one out of how many Hispanic men have been on this show in all the seasons?

I will admit, I am not an avid watcher of the Bachelor or the Bachelorette, and it may because every season is like the one before, except names a faces change.  ABC network, a touch of diversity will not kill the show.

Sure you may have your hesitations, understandable.  VH1 does a good job of exploiting the roles of African American’s looking for love, and I am sure the madness you must have witnessed on Flava of Love, or I Love New York doesn’t help the cause of having an African American Bachelor/Bachelorette on a reputable network such as yours. But I can assure you ABC, there are a plethora of very smart, talented, goal oriented, African American and Hispanic individuals who can play the lead role, and even live in a house together without your show turning into the theme show for all things ghetto. Minorities do have an equal amount of class as White Americans, and can keep the dignity of your network if the opportunity is given in the appropriate manner.

So ABC, take a minute to think about it, diversity! Now I know the next Bachelor will probably be one of the men whom Ali sent home, so he will be another White man. But at least attempt to change things up a bit, add some more African American or Hispanic women. Please more than just the token one or two that are there to mask your hidden underlying form of racism. Let’s really show that America is diverse and give other ethnicities and chance to find love on the Bachelor/Bachelorette.

And hey if your ratings go down at least you took a chance to show America something different.

THE BACHELOR: ON THE WINGS OF LOVE -