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True stories about what happens when a girl from the big city moves to a rock in the pacific without a life raft

Relationship Non-Negotiables: What’s on your list?

Posted by Jenni C. on December 28, 2010

Relationships poster

Recently I have been hearing a lot of buzz about having 5 Non- Negotiables while dating. Apparently both men and women should have at least 5 non-negotiables when looking for a mate to avoid settling for someone with particular characteristics that you would rather avoid.

Is that a good or bad idea? Well, I’ll let you be the judge of that.

These non-negotiables are the 5 things that you would not compromise in a relationship no matter who you meet or what happens around the circumstances of meeting that person. After taking some time out to think about it I can see why it is important to make a list of  at least 5 non-negotiables. With that out of the way you can set a bar for yourself, and establish a strong sense of personal integrity when it comes to dating because you will be certain not to stray from what is important to you first. With that you can rule out who you don’t want to date, and focus in on a particular individual who will complement your own personal lifestyle. Note: I said COMPLEMENT, NOT COMPLETE!

So after much thought (well not really, I already knew what I was not negotiating on) I have come up with my own 5 Non-Negotiables. To some readers,  my list may be a bit harsh, sorry for that. But, for me it is what I know I do not want in a man. To enjoy my own personal sense of happiness I have to be honest with that.

At one time I firmly believed in the theory of compromise. I figured if you wanted to have the right relationship, not perfect, but a relationship that works, then there would always be room for compromise, no matter the issue. If you met the person you wanted to be with then you would be willing to make compromises, and adjust to them right? Well apparently not. In relationships I can have up to 5 things that I just can’t stand for. And trust me it defiantly makes the rule out process a whole lot easier!

So here is my list of my 5 Non-Negotiables that I reference when dating.

1. Must have a job.

2. Must have a sense of humor, and outgoing personality.

3. Must be able to hold a decent conversation, and communicate well.

4. Must be a non-smoker, and non-drug user while I’m at it

5.  Must have ambition for life, and a plan for continuous future growth.

Now in thinking about what I would consider to be my 5 non-negotiables, I know myself well enough to know what I will not stand for in a relationship. Although I understand that people do change, I am not in the business of forcing change on anyone. I like to know what I am getting into upfront so I can walk away if I am not satisfied. So while dating, or if you are already in a relationship, be who you are, know what you want, and make sure you have a solid list on the 5 things that you know you will not stand for!

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One Response to “Relationship Non-Negotiables: What’s on your list?”

  1. Raquel Francis said

    Your 5 non-negotiable are not too much to ask. I feel its just hard to find all of them in one person

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