Category: Relocation

Facing Fears

On By Jenni C.In Fears, Finding meaning, Hawaii, Life, Moving, random, Relocation, Self Discovery, self help, single girl, Uncategorized1 Comment

-“Fear is like a disease, if you don’t treat it, it will eat you up”

People always tell me that I am so brave since I just picked up and moved to Hawaii. They like to say “wow you didn’t know anyone, no friends, no family” and my response is always “nope”. I figure where there are people, someone will eventually become my friend. I may be a bit shy at times, but I am in no way anti social (sometimes I find myself running off at the mouth a bit too much!!!) So I was never worried about making friends, and eventually if your friends are close enough to you, they become like family. So I felt like if that was all I needed to live somewhere then, hey I was all set, and all my bases were covered. Moving to a new place was never a fear of mine, being bored and alone does not scare me either, I am pretty comfortable with me, and by the way, I am great company! It’s those past fears that continue to scare me, the same fears that I have had in NY, the same things that make me worry and stay up all night. Apparently for those fears there is no escaping from, and the more I try to forget that I was once afraid of theses things, the more I feel like they have followed me. And now it is time to turn around, stare them down with the black girl stank attitude, and stand up to what has scared me for most of my life. The time has come, I will yell loud to the highest point of earth and say I AM NOT AFRAID ANYMORE!!!!!

Well what is it that is scaring me so much? Let me give you some idea. To start I have always been afraid of the dark (yes I have been told by many people that there is nothing to be afraid of in the dark, and that is strange). But hey, darkness still scares me, espically when I am alone. I fear my not getting into a doctorate program ever in life, well its more like I am so afraid to ask people to write me a letter of recommendation. I wish I could just skip that part. I guess the fear is of a NO, so my fear is that I don’t like rejection! Yes I said it, rejection scares the crap out of me. I know “No’s” are a part of life, but i just like the word “Yes” so much better. So the thought of a professor telling me that NO, in their nice professor like way mind you, makes me too scared to ask, and to send a basic two line email. Yes how sad is that. I am afraid that my life won’t turn out the way I want it to, I fear not knowing next steps, not making right decisions, and not having answers to my own questions. My biggest fear since I could remember the feeling of being afraid is that my mother will end up dying. Now I know parents die, and as you get older you prepare yourself for that possibility, well not really prepare, but understand that death is a part of life. But I worry about my mother, worry that she is not taking care of herself, and that she won’t live to see me get married, or take care of my children. Yes I did say take care of my children! (well maybe on the weekends)!

I know for my fears are out of my control. So how do I face them? I don’t want them following me around anymore! I want to be done with them. I thought I would leave them in NY, but somehow they got in my suitcase, got on the plane with me and now live in Hawaii. Well I hope they have had their share of fun on this trip, because I am letting them go. Dropping them off, and kicking them into the middle of the ocean. I AM NOT AFRAID ANYMORE!!!! and  I decided a long time ago that I want to live, and now I want to live without fear. SO today is MY DAY, take back control of MY life, and just face the world as is, without being afraid. If I am really so brave as everyone says, I think its time for me to believe it. Enjoy the time that I have now with my friends, and family, and just live my life as is. Without worry about what will happen and focus on what is happening right now!

Before I came here a friend asked me what was I running from…my response to her was I am not running I am growing. I now realize I may have been running from everything that I was afraid of, hoping it would not find me ever again. But as I recognize the role the fears play in my life, and that I can be the sole person to overcome them, Yup I feel like am growing to a new level! One that cannot be matched by any fear that will try to take me down.

Ahhhhhh! Dating Sucks

On By Jenni C.In Finding meaning, Hawaii, Life, men, Moving, New York, Paradise, random, relationships, Relocation, Self Discovery, single girl, Travel, Uncategorized, VacationLeave a comment

Since I am writing as the single girl who moved from NY to Hawaii I will take this opportunity to let you in a little on my dating life. Ok now before you get your hopes up and become utterly excited, please note that it is really not that exciting. I must admit that it is a bit interesting at times because for much of my life I have been the “anti dater” and just had long term relationships with guys who just happen to one day become my boyfriend. I know you are probably thinking, hey how did she have boyfriends without dating? Well I am still trying to figure that one out too, it was simple one day I met a guy we clicked,  and the next day (or a few weeks of constant interactions later)  he was my boyfriend, and we were in an exclusive relationship. Yes this has worked twice in my life, and has taken up much of my twenties, and I have no regrets about either one. Yes it sounds strange and conveniently simple, but hey it was that easy! Anyway, now I am single, so we see how those turned out! (No really I had good times no hard feelings) But since I live on the notion that everything happens for a reason,  today I can write to you as the single girl who traveled from NY to Hawaii, and living life by learning about me!

So back to  this dating thing, now I am not one to follow “rules” of dating. One of my favorite movies is “How to lose a guy in 10 days”, so maybe that will tell you something about me. I do not like going on hundreds of dates with different men, let’s be real some of them are just strange, socially inept, or just plain cheap. Side note to all men over the age of 23: fast food and a DVD at your house or mine is NOT a good first date!  Now back to me!  Because I am lazy, and I don’t feel like dealing with a lot of different people. Every first date is like a rerun of a bad movie with a different title. You always go through the same questions, trying to get to know someone, on the hopes that this guy actually has that IT factor that I am looking for only to find out that by the end of the night after I am done pretending to like you, I have to dodge my way out of him trying to kiss me. Ok maybe not all the time, but most of it. I hate to admit it but I have tried eharmony and Craigslist looking for the all elusive Mr. Right, yeah I am still here writing as the single girl in Hawaii, so what does that say about that! I must admit that I have met some good guys, nice friends, but not the man that is worthy enough to call me his girl or wife for that matter.

The dating scene in Hawaii is so different from NY, from what my experience has been there are two types of men, Military and Local. Yes ladies feel free to choose, you can either have a man who is protecting and serving our country through one of the branches of the military, or a local Hawaiian guy, who is probably very nice, and a great surfer, but not really a fan of the mainland. Oh and let me not forget there are the men who just picked up and decided to move to Hawaii one day, just like myself for various reasons, but I haven’t dated them ( I think they may be a little too much like me, all over the place and has nomadic like tendencies!). Now both types of men are nice guys so don’t get me wrong here.

Military men appear like they have it all together, and seem to be financially stable, although recently a friend told me I was wrong about that one. The financial part that is. Before I moved here I swore all men in the military were just plain crazy, and I wouldn’t give them a second look. But living in Hawaii I have met plenty from all branches ( literally all of the branches), and have had a lot of fun with them. Now that does not mean sexual fun, but just good old fashioned dating and taking me back home. For real, I am serious!!! People still do that you know.  Oh and if you meet a Black or Hispanic man, he is probably in the military, or has a military past. The number one problem why I have issues with ever being married to a military man is because they are not home a lot of the time!!! I do tilt my hat and commend military wives, but who in the world wants a husband that can be deployed for months at a time, and can just be told that you have to relocate out of the blue. Nope not me, when I move I like it to be by choice, and I DO NOT intend to get married only to have to still sleep alone at night!!! Sorry people, but that sucks!!! Hate me if you like, the views and opinions of this blog are solely mine!

Now the local guys, oh they are great, always give you a great laugh. Will teach you words that no one will ever know on the mainland, and fill you up with rice and macaroni salad. No need to ever go to a gym again! They will show you the land of Hawaii, and always have a very adorable smile. The family will love you, and fill you up on rice and macaroni salad daily. The only thing is they probably love living in Hawaii and would not think of leaving, so I can’t marry them either, because although I love the island, I think I must return to the stress of reality one day, right??? Maybe. But I like the option.

So that leaves me with still dating these men, going out to great restaurants, learning about the islands, and still keeping my single girl swag on the side. So for right now, hey i’m doing alright.  🙂

Goodbye Summer

On By Jenni C.In Finding meaning, Hawaii, Life, Moving, Paradise, random, Relocation, Self Discovery, Travel, Uncategorized, VacationLeave a comment

OK so I have been gone for a while but now I am back!!!! For real this time (or at least for a few days). What was I doing? Well off enjoying the end of summer. Yes the end of summer, which is strange to say when you live in Hawaii, because even in mid September, the weather is still warm, everyday is a beach day, and I can still wear shorts and a tank daily. No fall jacket needed,  the breezy NY mornings, and smell of fresh fall air does not exist here. Yes this is great its still hot, and I can say that I still have the feeling that life is good! I am not a person who misses seasons, so I can be in a happy space. Please note if you do enjoy leaves falling off trees and the bitter cold of winter then no Hawaii is not the place for you to reside. Vacations are always great!  The only way I know that its time for the season change is because it starts to get dark early. My precious sun goes down earlier and earlier each day, bringing on the darkness. But yes that I cannot escape, the sun must go down, and the realities of fall and winter still exsit.

So what have I been up to? I will keep this brief for the readers who really don’t care about me and what I have been doing. But in all actuality I can say that I am continuing to learn more about myself everyday and I am learning the best life lessons ever. There is so much to do in Hawaii besides go to a beach. My summer has consisted of going to swim with sharks at the North Shore, watching a real life Luau, snorkling, and even rock climbing off the side of a mountain! Through it all I have survived, challenged myself, gained an amazing amount of self confidence, and increased my endurance along the way! So can I say that I had fun? Of course I have fun! And the best part is that I truly can say that I ROCK! I have been able to do things that I never would have fathomed previously in my mind, and I feel like each experience makes me a little bit more ready to take on my next adventure.

The Power of “I Can’t”

On By Jenni C.In Finding meaning, Hawaii, Life, Moving, New York, random, Relocation, Self Discovery, self help, Uncategorized, VacationLeave a comment

Here is a random post that is maybe not so random to some:

As I reflect back in my life on moments where I didn’t accomplish something that I wanted to do, or felt a sense of fear of moving forward, I am realizing that I have been my own worst enemy, and have stood in my own way. I told myself time and time again that I CAN”T DO IT!!!! I am now thinking that the simple phrase of I CAN’T is one of the most powerful phrases in the English language. It dictates life for many, and holds people away from reaching goals that they are destined to reach. Yeah that darn “I Can’t”, so simple, yet so powerful in life.

When I came to Hawaii I never told myself I can’t do it, or thought that I wouldn’t make it. Sure other people thought that I couldn’t do it, or that I wasn’t going to just move out of New York. I had fought that “I can’t” that lingers with every decision, I knew that I wanted to do it, to at least give it a try, and see if I can make it. To step outside of my box of safety and make a difference in my own life. Not having the “I can’t” just pick up and leave mentality made it possible for me to be living in paradise, and to feel like I am even living at all.

But I myself have struggled with thinking that I can’t do something many a times in life. Whether it was thinking I can’t be a doctor because I am not smart enough, or I can’t find a new job because no one will hire me, I have realized that saying those words stopped me from reaching my full potential, and stopped me from being happy with life at all. How did we get to a point in our lives where we believe that we can’t do something, or that we can’t find our own sense of happiness. Is it a fear of failing or is there something more?

As babies go from crawling to learning to walk, they fall frequently, and they keep falling. But they don’t stop trying, babies don’t just give up and say “hey I guess I am going to crawl forever”. They get back up and attempt to take a few more steps, then a few more until they have mastered walking. Babies don’t know how to say “I can’t” and don’t know the meaning, so they always feel like they can keep going. They also have a cheering section of parents and other adults that encourage them to keep on going. It seems as we get older our cheering section becomes smaller, we understand more about life, and the phrase “I can’t” is able to just move in and take over. No longer are there people saying “hey you can do it, just one more step”, or thinking it is cute when you do fall. As an adult it may seem that some people are sitting back waiting for you to fall, so they can say “I knew it” or “I told you so”. And then the “I can’t” becomes a stronger force for next time.

Well I have some good news for everyone who has ever said “I CAN’T”, hey those are just words, and they don’t define who you are. If you want to do something, why not just give it a try, and if it doesn’t work out, take the lessons learned, get back up, and try to walk again. Just as easily as you can say “I CAN’T”, turn that into “I CAN”. And that cheering section that is just waiting for you to fall on your face? Why don’t you really make them angry and make them be even more mad at you, just by accomplishing what you say you are going to do. So next time the thoughts come into your mind, ” I can’t lose weight”, “I can’t get a new job”, or “I can’t move to a new place”, think  I CAN DO IT, and I AM GOING TO DO IT JUST  WATCH. And just as easily as you stopped yourself from moving forward, you now have motivation to actually move forward and do what makes you happy. Don’t feel guilty by accomplishing goals, feel satisfied that you have finally set a goal, reached it, and start preparing yourself for the next one!

Now as a task for the day: Do one small thing that you have been telling yourself “I CAN’T” to, and tell yourself I CAN DO THIS, and I AM GOING TO DO THIS TODAY!!! After its done let me know how you felt your life changed, and whats next on your I CAN list!

My Single Girl Swag!!!!

On By Jenni C.In Finding meaning, Hawaii, Life, men, Moving, Paradise, relationships, Relocation, Self Discovery, single girl, Uncategorized4 Comments

101_0095One of the hopes for this blog is to document my experience as a single girl who moved from NY to Hawaii. Yes I will admit it and not be ashamed to say it I am 27 years old and single!!! Nope, no boyfriend, no husband, no one close to being my next amazing sweep me off my feet, world stopping relationship (note: notice changes in this blog if  I do find such relationship).  Its just me! 3 years away from the devastating age of  30, and according to society standards being left out for the firing squad, or labeled as dead meat if I just happen to be 30 and single. But here is the real shocker: I am finally feeling just fine about being 27 and single!!! I am OK with just hanging out either alone or with friends, and having the free choice to eventually meet the man who will fit my style.  I am not on a daily hunt to find a man, or feel like I have to date 100 guys in 100 days because I am running out of time to find Mr. Right, or the famous Mr. Right now. I have finally come to a place in life where I can truly do me and enjoy my amazing single girl swag!!!

Now what is the single girl swag you may ask. Well I can just speak for me, so let me explain to you the definition of my single girl swag. It is an overwhelming sense of confidence that says, hey I am HOT!, I got my stuff together, I am independent, I can enjoy life, have free range over my decisions, and a man will not define my style, but the right man will only compliment my style. Basically in my head I am THAT CHICK!!! I know that I am a true catch for any man, but only the right man will be able to hold me down, and walk with me on my journey of life. So you may ask, hey if your such a catch then why are you single? Well I will say with all honesty, and in true style, I am single by choice. Now usually men are the only ones who are ever allowed to say “I choose to be single” and we accept it as being ok.  But I will say it, I choose to be single. OK so we have become trained by poor reality TV, and by the media that girls do not want to be single. We need a man to take care of us, and we all want that dream wedding, no matter how bad the man is that we are getting married to. NOPE, not me! I can take care of myself (and no man has ever offered anyway), and I have learned that I am a pretty kick ass chick. Because of this,  I have crossed Bad Marriage off my life plan list. During my time of self reflection I have realized that I can still have fun, and live life even without being in a relationship. Not to mention I can surley live without drama, lies, and everything else that makes a relationship bad.  I am a free spirit!!! Now is the time for me to live out my life for me. And when I do find that relationship that is show stopping, and the right man who I feel I want to share my world with, I know I will be better because of my definitive understanding of who I am. I just hope he is ready for what I have to offer him, and can appreciate a girl with an amazing swag!!!

My journey to becoming Kama’aina!!!

On By Jenni C.In Finding meaning, Hawaii, Life, Moving, New York, Paradise, Relocation, Self Discovery, Travel, VacationLeave a comment

So today I experienced the trials and tribulations of a Hawaiian government agency,  I took the big leap, made a huge step, and finally got myself, my very own Hawaii state ID card! Yes I am now officially a resident of the state of Hawaii and have ID to prove it. I am now Kama’aina (local) as they call it in Hawaii. Well not really because I am black girl living in Hawaii, and I look nothing like a Hawaiian anything, so I am pretty sure people know that I was not born and raised in Hawaii. Unless I grew up in a military family, or have a Hawaiian accent (which I really don’t,  barely have the New York accent), its not hard to tell that I am not a true local. But alas, now I do have proof that I am a resident, and most importantly I qualify for all the Kama’aina discount prices! In Hawaii there are two ways to save money, either you can be in the military (and  that is not happening because I have never been fond of Uncle Sam), or you can be an actual resident. Sorry tourists but the truth of the matter is that when you don’t live here and come to the island to visit, you spend a lot of money. The prices are raised for clubs, bars, and anything that’s fun so the locals can make more money. Too bad NY doesn’t give discounts to state residents, maybe I would have stayed there (no not really, just a passing thought).

Moving on, today was a big day (and a long one at that). I guess since I have ID to prove that I am a resident that means that I am gonna stick around for a while, ummm…lets just take it one day at a time for now. Now you notice that I said Hawaii state ID and not that I changed my driver’s license over to the state of Hawaii. Oh no I made a conscious decision not to do that, I am  holding on to my New York State driver license as long as possible. I feel it necessary to hold on to my original big city roots, and have evidence that I do come from the great state of NY (and that I can probably drive faster than any one else on this island who is not from NY!).

Let me take you on the journey through, my eventful day of obtaining a state ID. First of all you can’t just go to the DMV and go get an ID. I am used to that because in New York, the DMV is the one stop shop for any form of identification, but no, not in Hawaii, they have a whole separate office to get a state ID. To get to this government office that is only open from 8AM until 2 PM, I had to first drive my car into town (Honolulu).  Since my morning already started off wrong, I actually didn’t leave my house until 12 pm, leaving me only 2 hours to get to this office. Now you may think, OK 2 hours is plenty of time, yeah think again, not when driving into town or downtown Honolulu.  First I drive onto the H1  the highway that is closest to my house, and for some reason no matter what time of day it is, there always seems to be some form of traffic on this H1. Then when  I reach my exit to find this office building, knowing I have no idea where it is, just some map quest directions, and a wonderful HTC Touchpro phone with GPS (my ultimate Hawaii lifesaver! Highly recommended phones with navigational GPS apps), I begin my search for this building. Now let me get this straight, driving downtown to Honolulu in mid afternoon is NOTHING like driving through the midtown tunnel in Manhattan in the middle of the afternoon. The amount of traffic on a summer afternoon in Manhattan compared to Honolulu, makes downtown Honolulu look like an empty parking lot! So I will not sit here an complain about the many one way streets of Honolulu, and lanes that force you to turn down another one way street, and streets that will never end up making a full circle no matter how many left turns you take. Even though that is frustrating for a person that easily gets lost, I won’t complain, and hey remember I have my trusty phone-GPS system! So I finally reach the building that does the state ID’s for every person on the island of Oahu at about 1:30 Pm. Great, I have about a half hour to spare before this place closes. I am hoping that I can just go in and out, and be done without wasting the rest of my afternoon, yeah that was just wishful thinking.

As I arrive at the building, my first daunting task was to look for parking. Ok I will complain about this, as in midtown Manhattan or by any government building in NY, there is never any parking! Why is that? No parking, and meters that charge a quarter for every 10 seconds you leave your car. Our great government, when going to a government building, make sure you have lots of spare change!!! I finally find a parking space after driving around for what seemed like an eternity, and empty all my spare change into this meter. Obviously the amount of change I had on me was not enough because I still got a parking ticket!!!! Damn the Honolulu police, did they really have to give me a ticket? OK, OK, OK, I know I should have checked my meter more often, got more change, and avoided getting a ticket at all costs. But really I just wanted to get my ID and leave, how was I supposed to know that it was going to take 3 hours of precious time out of my life to get a state ID.  After I finally park my car and walk into the building, which I can’t pronounce the name but its called the Kekuanao’a building, I had a quick coherent flashback of being at the New York State DMV. Yup lots of people, and long lines, I guess that doesn’t change from state to state. Except these people didn’t look pissed off, and nobody was ready to tell off the person working behind the counter, no that’s not a NY myth, that’s a NY actual experience! They did have one police officer with a gun in the building, so maybe Hawaiians do become angry and out of control at the site of long lines.

I am not gonna lie, at this point I wanted to just leave, I have very little patience for lines. Now in Hawaii people are very friendly, and everything is done with Aloha.  The state of  Aloha is usually very welcoming, and charming however, I am starting to think that it is also take your time, and move incredibly slow! I know I am from NY and everything in NY moves quick, we like things done now and do it fast! We walk fast, talk fast, and New Yorkers are always in a rush. The thought of missing a train and waiting another 3-5 minutes on a platform for the next one is close to the equivalent of being tortured to a slow, painful, death. I know I have to get used to the Hawaiian state of mind which is slow, take your time, and no rush. But I am still a native New Yorker, so can we speed this Aloha thing up just a little bit. Maybe there can be a middle ground, not quite the NY speed race, but faster than the Hawaiian tortuous.

As I fill out my application and wait in the FIRST line for my documents to be reviewed, I just keep thinking this line is not moving at all, and thoughts of leaving keep entering my mind. The only thing that held me in this line was that I didn’t feel like making the trip back here to do it again. Finally the line move and I get closer to seeing the document woman. When I get closer to her desk another woman hands me a number, I think what is this number for, then I sadly, and painfully realize that this number is for my second leg of this race. Not only is there the document line, there is the real wait to actually get your ID, Ha! I think to myself, what have I gotten myself into. So she hands me number 94, I look up at the screen to see the number that is now being served and my heart suddenly hits the ground when I see 44. I check my number again to make sure that I had read it correctly the first time, maybe it really said 49 and not 94, but no it really said 94. OMG!!! I have to wait for 50 people to go before I finally get seen to have my picture taken for my ID. There goes those thoughts of leaving flying around my head again, just wanting to walk out, go to the beach and grab lunch. No again I talk myself into staying, I say I am going to do this, because there is NO WAY in the world am I coming back to do this again!!! I look over at all the people sitting on the benches waiting for their numbers to be called, I think to myself, wow I wonder how long they have been here? Some of them look like they have been sleeping here overnight! Then I realize why the office shuts down at 2 PM by the time they are done with everyone it has to be about 5 or 6 PM. I am not sure if that is Hawaii slowness, or not enough staff to meet the needs of the agency. But oh well, I finally have my documents reviewed and wait for my number to be called.

Nearly 2 hours later, finally they reach number 90, just 4 more people to go, then its my turn. I feel the excitement start to turn inside of me, as I realize its almost time for me to reclaim my life, and get out of this office!!! I start to think wow I can make plans for the rest of the day, what am i going to do next, my life will be mine again! My number is called, I hand in my documents, my picture is taken, and then once again I am back to sitting and waiting for my ID to be made up. Now the great thing about this whole process is that my ID is made and given to me right there. I don’t have to go back, and I don’t have to wait 3-4 weeks for it to come in the mail. I can start being local or Kama’aina right when I walk out the building. Kama’aina discounts here I come! The wait for my ID to be ready is approximately 10 minutes, not too bad since I have just spent the last 3 hours waiting, I’m sure I won’t die in the next 10 minutes. Finally the woman at the desk calls my name, hands me my new Hawaii state ID, and I head on out! Not a horrible experience. The staff were very friendly, and even though they had seen hundreds of  people during the day, they still managed to smile and have a tone of voice as though I was number 1. Now that is the difference that you don’t see in a New York State DMV, some of those workers act like they hate their jobs, and treat you like you told them they would be stuck in a miserable job at the DMV for the rest of their life. Even though the wait was long, and my day wasn’t perfect, it was nice be treated friendly as I finally became a Hawaii resident.

Now who wants to deal with my parking ticket???……..