The quick and dirty east coast tour

After a year and two months of driving around in circles on the  island (because you can only go so far before you run out of actual land), I decided it was time to make a trip back to the east coast. Why not right? I figure a year is more than enough time for friends and family to miss the wonderful Jenni C 🙂 And I thought this would actually give me a chance to make a true comparison of NY and Hawaii, just in case I forgot anything about living in NY while on the island.

Now originally when I packed my bags and hopped on a plane a year ago, I didn’t think that life would change too much in a year. Heck when I was there life was the same every single day. I was in my very own version of groundhog day, except every once in a while the dialogs changed.  So what was I really going to miss? Apparently a whole lot! Another growing experience, life changes quick so hold on and be ready for sudden turns. Friends end up getting married and they don’t tell you, people have new babies and they don’t tell you, and people move to different states, they don’t tell you that either. Ummm…I didn’t die, I just moved to a different part of the world.  It’s funny how I did not realize that life happens at quick speeds while in the moment, because when I was in the middle of it all life seemed at its own permanent standstill.

Let me tell you the realizations that I did have on my limited edition east coast tour. And I do mean limited, because really who knows when I will be back that way. First I just have to say that New York City has wayyyyy too many people.  The locals say that the island of Oahu has too many people. Well they must have not been to NY.  I quickly remembered that there is no room to walk, and if you don’t walk at the speed racer pace of the city that doesn’t sleep, then yes, you are leaving yourself open to be trampled!

The city still smells the same, you know  that good old NY smell of hot piss and garbage, AHHHHH where else in the world can you get that smell. The subway, still dirty. Oh the  price to ride public transportation has increased, and the metrocard discounts are worse than ever. I will admit gladly that I was happy to drive in the city, and actually be allowed to honk my horn. On the island there is the widely known unwritten rule that no horn honking is allowed! I am very serious about that. Honk and you will quickly get  the stink eye, or cursed by a really big Samoan dude.  Have Aloha, be patient and wait. I think I went horn crazy in NY, and just honked for no reason, I cut people off, and didn’t even throw them the Shaka, like they would care I would just get the finger in return.

In NY I must say that I did enjoy myself. Maybe I kinda missed that fast paced, always on the go, if you sleep then you are wasting time hardcore mentality. I would see the look of work and money in the eyes of people racing through the streets, and running for trains. People are focused, determined, and will not rest until they are dead. There is no sense of relaxation, and work is a never ending concept that is an eternal flow through the body that is needed for survival. The hustle game is on, and it is truly the city where people are about getting that paper.

As as walked through Waikiki tonight, I came to the conclusion that I cannot compare NY and Hawaii. They do not fit into the same category of lifestyle. Lets say they are like apples and tomatoes. They both taste good, but you would have them at two completely different meals.

I like the relaxed pace of Hawaii. And the spirit of Aloha is something that comes in true form only in Hawaii. In Hawaii you can reach the epitome of happiness with the bare minimum. There will be  few competition for the hottest new jeans or sneakers. If you do see it, it will be between people who are from the mainland away. Locals are happy with just wearing slippers (flip flops), t-shirts, and shorts. No need to take out you Sunday best in Hawaii there is no where to wear it to! Men just need to have an Aloha shirt and they are all set for every event possible. Very few locals talk about getting paper, or whats the next big hustle. Life is great with just family, who cares if they live in a tent, at least they are together. It’s refreshing, its calm, and it works well for them.

When you are in a New York state of mind, well Jay-Z said it best, “the city never sleeps better slip them a ambien”. In NY money is being made at continuous speeds, and people are always trying to make more. If you sleep you may be missing out on the next big business opportunity (please excuse my slight over exaggeration, but not really). Now don’t get me wrong, both NY and Hawaii are equally expensive, these are not cheap cities to live in. But it is amazing to see lifestyle changes between the people of each city.  So if your into a slow (very slow) paced calm lifestyle, then Hawaii may work just fine. But if you are on your 24-7 focused driven, I gotta make it, and I gotta make it big, state of mind, the NY would be the right place for that!

Things I now know at 28, Just because I wasn’t paying attention at 27

MY BFF Dana and I on my 28th Birthday!!!

So I had a birthday! Last month, on March 19th to be exact I turned 28. Or as some people like to say…30 minus 2. Lets count it down!!!  But I’ll just say 28 for now.

It took me a while to really start to feel my brand spanking new age,  and say out loud that I am being pushed into becoming a year older, which is why it took me a month to post this blog.  Yes people I am 28! No longer can I claim ignorance as an excuse when I really just want to get wasted and pass out in some strange place. Nope I know better now, and I am not allowed to engage in my old college girl acts of random, crazy, fun!

Since turning 28 I don’t feel any different from when I was 27. But I feel a huge difference from age 18!  I now sit and watch CNN…OH NO!!! And I actually turn on Fox news, (as I wait for the day that that network will suddenly disappear),  just to see what nonsense, or new socialist theory Glenn Beck would like to rant on today. I am starting to think the Real World on MTV is not good television anymore, maybe because I am now too old to ever be a cast member. Actually, the only good show on MTV is 16 and pregnant. That is because I like to watch the unrealistic ways these girls think they can manage their lives and a newborn at the same time.  Now that is good television! Oh and the cast of the Jersey Shore will always be a bunch of idiots in my head. But I do wonder where they will be in 5 years…hmmm.

I understand that life means real responsibility, and every choice I make falls on me. No bail out for me! At 28 I have felt the joys and disappointment of love, and I still continue to move forward on the journey of learning more about love, life, career, and everything else that comes along with being 28 (Or the prepping phase for 30).

28,  in my late twenties, officially. The point where women start to get really anxious about being 30 and alone. No kids, No husband, Oh no, will I be myself forever!! No I don’t have those feelings just yet, I still feel great being just me, but I am clearly making a mental note to myself not to settle for a fool! I remember I am better than that, and settling will lead to eventual unhappiness.

So here is a brief list of things that I now know at 28, that maybe I didn’t want to accept at 27, but life is about reality right?

  • I will probably never hit the lotto to become rich quick
  • I will probably never marry a rich millionaire athlete or movie star (I think I am too old now, LOL)
  • A retirement account is a good thing to have
  • Being on reality TV is not exactly the best way to become famous
  • Bad days do not last forever, and a even greater day will be coming soon!
  • Love does not happen in a day
  • I will have to compromise in any relationship I am in
  • Men do like women who cook
  • Men like to be pampered as much as women do
  • Dating younger guys isn’t necessarily a bad thing
  • It is ok to date guys who have reached the age of 40 without thinking he is an old ass man, and the fact that he likes me is repulsive
  • It is perfectly fine to date outside of my race ( sorry black men, but can some of you please step your game up!)
  • If I want something in life, then I will have to work to get it (damn it!)
  • It is a great thing to budget your money
  • I can survive on my own
  • I will get married to an awesome guy, who will also be my best friend
  • I will never ever get back together with my ex because he is worse than a total jerk!  (hey that is really good to know!)

I am excited to see what life has in store for me at 28, the first month hasn’t been so bad, so in the next 11 months I will continue to move with the changes of life, and embrace the good, grow from the bad, and continue to learn how I can improve on just being a better me!

Just call it free love!

Disclaimer: This post is straight to the point, raw, and hardcore. Beware!

Here is somewhat of a funny story for you:

While Chris Rock and Nia long were doing interviews promoting the movie “Good Hair”, they both revealed that they went on a date a few years earlier. After the date Chris Rock apparently gave Nia the wrong number, leaving Nia Long to wonder why he would do that. Chris Rock then discussed in his interview, while they were having dinner he asked Nia if she was seeing anyone. Her response was “no I’m not dating anyone, but I know where to get dick when I need it”.

Now personally I thought that was a truly hilarious statement. However, Chris admitted he was turned off by Nia’s honesty on her dating life, and had no desire to continue seeing her, which in turn lead to him giving her the wrong number at the end of the night. Now what is wrong with a girl being honest about her sex life, yeah she may be single, but it doesn’t mean she is having 24/7 fun with a vibrator to keep her needs met.

This is one for all the guys, being a single girl does not mean void from sex. I think I have finally caught on to this dating game, and hey I may be starting to like it. No not because if I really wanted to I could have sex with a different guy each night, but because there may be some fun to it after all. So now I figure, hey if I am gonna be on my single girl swag, I am gonna milk it for all its worth! I am understanding why guys say now girls are like handcuffs (and may suffer from that Tiger Woods syndrome), why just be stuck with just one guy when I can just turn around and there will be another man who is ready to step in. Ok I know, some guys just want to have sex, yeah they don’t last too long, and some guys actually want to get to know me for all my great qualities, these guys get a real shot. So my thinking is why not let him take me out. And yes I mean take me out! I  refuse to pay for a man to be in my presence (ladies DO NOT pay for a first date!), so yes he will take me out, and it better be a date with some effort or else NEXT!

As I date different guys some of them I may want to have sex with, and some maybe not so much. But when I do want to have sex, I always  know where I can go to get it. I think every girl has that one guy around who she can just call to have sex when needed. He is her JUSTIN, just in case she needs get some!  It doesn’t mean that you want to marry him, or even date him for that matter, it just means he is good in bed. Men take notes, because I believe that a man does not think a girl can have sex just to purely have sex and not get attached to him. New flash men, sometimes girls don’t even want you to spend the night and wish that you would just go home!  When I talk to some of my male friends about dating, they say “oh so your getting some dick”. Ummmm it’s really not hard to get. But is it really hard to believe that a man wants to take you out because he actually is attracted to you personality, and not what is under your clothes.  Ladies if you want to have sex, believe me there is a man who is not going to turn you down! I am yet to meet a single man who will say no I don’t want to have sex with you. So being single is no reason to be utterly horny and miserable. Actually if you are single you can probably get more sex than a woman in a  committed relationship.

So single girls take note: be single, be free, be careful, use protection, have fun, let yourself go,  and don’t be afraid to say, yeah I may be single, but I know where to get dick when I need it!  🙂

1 year already!!!!

Its funny how life just keep changes and you never know where you will end up, or what is going to happen next. Life just happens, we can make plans sure, but there it is not certain that our plans will work. Life happens when it wants, on its own terms. If you are a believer in God, which I am, I will say God says when life happens. God makes his plans for us, and it works, it always works. We may have our own plans, but God’s plans will always prevail.  So life, is funny, uncertain, forever changing, and full of surprises, but it always happens.

So it has been one year since I have been in Hawaii, and it is a part of my life that I could not have planned for, did not predict, and truly did not expect. But it happened, and it worked. The years go by so fast, and I feel like it was just yesterday that I got off the plane and landed at the Honolulu airport. I still remember the morning I left New York it was 13 degrees, and freezing cold. I cried on the plane at the thought of the boy and friends  I was leaving behind, and just slept until I landed in LAX to switch planes.  In Honolulu it was 80 degrees and I spent my first night alone in a Waikiki hotel. Not feeling scared, but feeling ready for change and empowered to finally be in control of my life!

The last year has been forever changing, its been full of life, full of breath, its been NEW!! And for me it has been great! I will admit yes I have had bad days, I have felt times of uncertainty, the creeping of loneliness, wanting to hug my mommy, wanting to laugh with my best friends, and yes even wanting to argue with my little sister.  But for each passing bad moment, I remember that God gave me the opportunity to live my own life. To feel like I have a purpose, and to feel like I am strong enough to keep going because I will have an abundance of good days ahead.

So as today marks the one year mark of my Hawaiian adventure, I still feel strong, I feel whole, I feel like whatever challenge life has for me, I will be able to conquer it. I feel like I know myself better than I ever have before, and I love who I am! I am what makes me special, and having the chance to live life makes me more ready to see whats next!

When will I leave Hawaii, ummm not really too sure about that yet. But for right now I will continue to enjoy the beauty and culture of islands, enjoy the people, and have fun each day, living my life with no regrets!!!!

Taking a Time Out!!!

I am calling time out! …..Time out!

I feel the need to take a time out and rest on the bench. I don’t want to play. I just decided that I don’t want to play anymore. Playing “the game”, the dating game is a lot more work than I thought. I have never been good at games anyway. Not monopoly, spades, bingo, or uno. I have never been good at playing, and I seem to not win. So how did I get stuck in the middle of this dating game, when I never wanted to play in the first place!

As I progress in playing this game  I will honestly say I am not really good at it, but I do think that I have a pretty good team. I have a starting line up that keeps me busy, and individually each of my 5 starters know their position, as they each meet a different need for me. But even with a strong starting line up, I feel like I am missing that Kobe or Lebron who will just dominate the game. You know the franchise player who will take over, be able to play every position, and play it with confidence. He will never need rest, and will be honored to play the entire time without needing a sub to fill in.  Basically that one guy who meets my needs so well that I don’t have to look to fill the other 4 positions because he has them all on lock. He knows when to move, how to move, and where to go to make things happen. If I just had a Kobe or Lebron, I wouldn’t need players for the other positions, and would no longer need to look back for someone else to make a play.

I have the movie guy, the guy with the great conversation and intellectual stimulation, the one who makes me laugh, the one who likes adventure and outdoor activities, and the one who I can just sit home and chill with. Sounds great huh, but why can’t they all be encompassed into just one person. That one IT guy who makes me laugh, has great conversation, likes to watch movies, likes to sit home and relax, and also like to experience the outdoors and adventure. I know there has to be a man out there who has all of these qualities, and hopefully I can find him so I can retire from this game with a championship ring.

In addition to my rotational starting line up,  I would say that I have the best sixth man in the game. He would make Ben Gordon and Jason Terry jealous with his sixth man abilities.  My sixth man is always ready to come off the bench and fill in whenever one of my starters starts to act up. He would surely be the top candidate for the sixth man of the year award in the dating game (if there was one). He is down to play any position, always ready when I need him, and he doesn’t need time to warm up. On  someone’s else team he would truly be a starter, maybe even the MVP. He would be the Kobe of their team.  However, on my team I can only bring him off the bench, and no matter how good he is at playing his position, he will never reach the starting line up.

But even with a fully stacked team,  a strong rotation of players, I feel like I need a time out from this game. This team doesn’t seem to be working as well as it once did. It may be time to make some trades, and recruit  new free agents. Yet, that still takes work, a lot of work. It’s the starting over, the getting to know him, seeing where he is going to fit in. Will he be willing to play any position I put him at? But I will secretly be hoping that he is the Kobe that I am looking for, so I can cut the rest of the team from my roster. I have no problem making cuts for a star player. But it seems the stars are in rare form,  and I have to fill in the gaps somehow.

When I was in a long term relationship with my ex,  I would look at my  BFF Dana and be jealous of her single girl adventures. She always had a new story about a new guy. I would think “wow that must be fun”!! New men, new experiences, not having anyone to answer to, and being able to tell him to leave when he pisses you off. Yeah I thought that would be fun.

Now I know better. It’s not as fun as it looked from inside the window of a relationship.  As TO said about that girl on his show,  I am a “relationshipper”. I like relationships. I like commitments. I like seeing just one guy day after day. I want one person to be the movie guy, the dinner guy, and be there for everything else I need guy. Together the two of us can be a team. We are both the stars of each others team, and there will be no bench to look to when things get complicated. He will be the one I pass the ball to, and he passes it back to me. It works. We win together, we lose together, and we play the whole game together.

But until then, I think I’ll just take a twenty second time out!

Can I please live as a Beach Bum??????

I have a confession to make: I must admit, secretly I want to be a beach bum. A good old fashioned beach bum, I do not feel like doing  a damn thing. I want to be able to be on a 24/7 relaxation high. I want to fit into the culture of Hawaii, surfing at the beach, cruising around the island, sitting back and drinking a beer, and listening to the Jawaiian music (yeah Jamaican regaee + Hawaiian regaee= Jawaiian).  I want to feel like that is all life is about, no worries, no stress, I can just stay here and forget that the mainland exist. Forget that I have a passion to get the most out of life, forget that I have drive to sit at the head of the table and run the meeting, forget that I want to be known for my accomplishments, and forget that I strive to be better than I was the day before. Yeah I just want to forget all of that and just be a beach bum.

I can’t seem to kick that damn NY edge. You know the NY EDGE! That faced paced, go getter, step on anyone’s toes attitude. The feeling of always needing to be on that upward climb, because if your not climbing up, your gonna get stepped on and slapped down by that person who was below you. In NY people are on the move all of the time! And boy are they moving fast! Everyone has a hustle, and that hustle better be on point! People are rarely sleeping, and if you are feeling stressed, at least you know that you are still alive. Yeah I still have that damn NY edge in me! And that edge makes me stand out here in Hawaii. Man, I just want to be a beach bum!!!

At work co-workers used to say, why do you work so hard, your making us look bad. Are you kidding me? Work hard? We never had to show up and just hand in some papers! Usually if someone at work has a request, I have been trained all too well to get it done as soon as possible. In NY if it wasn’t done you start to get what I like to call hate emails, then you can’t sleep when you get home due to anxious, over obsessive thoughts of getting fired. In Hawaii, its ok, do it whenever you get a chance, even if it is a week later and you had to be asked 3-4 times, its ok.

Another person who was a potential dating prospect asked, “Why do you have so much ambition”? WHATTTTT? Are you kidding me? Why have ambition? Why not? I have been trained oh so well by my NY lifestyle that without ambition, where are you going in life? Life is no fun standing still as an observer, it will just keep moving while you are watching. But hey maybe that is only in NY!! So after that question, needless to say homeboy was no longer a dating prospect. He did not understand the necessity of ambition in life. However if I am a beach bum I will not need that drive and ambition anymore right? I can just go to the beach and drink Mai tai’s. Since life moves slow in Hawaii anyway I won’t notice it passing me by, and I will fit right in. I just want to be a beach bum!!!

When I tell people outside of my work that I have my master’s degree from NYU, they look at me like I am on the same level as President Obama (no seriously), and men look like they have they just found a pot of gold. Eyes light up, and all of a sudden I become the most interesting girl they have ever met. It is a level of success that many people may not reach. However, when I was in NY I kept feeling like that wasn’t good enough. I needed to get better, strive for more, aim higher, and get that Ph.D. In the big city, I only had a very little amount of time to appreciate my accomplishments. With the next breath comes: What’s next? How do I top this? And how do I do better? In Hawaii it is good enough, and I will be a highly educated beach bum!!! I will be married to a local in no time!!!

Someday’s the feeling is, what’s the point? Why do I need to strive for more, and keep pushing to get to that next level when I am perfectly fine right here? The end result of life is all the same. We die. So who is really going to care at the end if I died as a beach bum, or a well renowned professional Psychologist who improved the behaviors of at risk youth? Does it even matter? Not really sure, I guess it is where my sense of  happiness comes from is what really counts. So will I really be happy as a beach bum? Probably not! I was raised with that NY drive. To have the go getter, do better, attitude seems innate. It is a part of my life, and just because I decided to leave the big city, my NY self came right along with me. But oh really, some days I just want to say forget this doing better, I am hitting the beach and becoming a bum!

In recent conversations with a friend I told him that I wanted to be a beach bum. His response: that is not an option. What!!! Why don’t I get that option? It seems like everyone else on this island gets that option, and they are having a great, carefree time!  I guess I do have the option. Hey no one is stopping me, and no one will come grab me up, and put me on a plane back to the mainland.  But anyone who really knows me would say, that me as a beach bum would be a waste of really great potential. I really do have the ability to do big things in life! (no really I do!!).

So that settles it, I won’t be a beach bum, I’ll just live the life of a couple days out of the month to taste it, and then I will let the NY in me come out and do its own thing to achieve greater success!!!