What type of dater are you??

During a conversation with a man I recently met, he asked me if I was staying in Hawaii forever. My answer was, “I have no idea how long I will be in Hawaii”.  I asked, “why?” He responded with because he, “wasn’t dating to find a girlfriend, he was dating to find a wife”. I thought that was very interesting, dating to find a wife. Well if you want to be married one day, shouldn’t the purpose of dating always be to find a wife or husband? Or, is it something else completely different? If you are single then you’re probably dating to find a companion, but what happens when the person you are dating has a completely different definition of dating than the definition you have in your mind?

To be on the single scene in Honolulu is a unique experience, and I can highly doubt that it is comparable to dating in any other city in the United States. Honolulu in a fly in city, meaning you fly in, stay a while, and end up leaving somewhere down the line. Next destination probably undetermined.  If you are not local, or have not lived in Honolulu the majority of your life, then you may consider yourself as a tourist-the extended version.

Many of the people who I have met who have landed in Honolulu for whatever reason, such as work, the military, or just wanting to live on an island, usually return back to the mainland at some point. Hence, dating in Honolulu can be a difficult experience. You have to think to yourself and decide am “I dating for the right now?” Or “Am I dating to find someone who will be a permanent fixture in my future?” Knowing that will probably determine if you will settle down on Oahu or, if you will find yourself settling down back on the mainland.  Once you figure out your own reason for playing the dating game, make sure your dating mate also shares that reason with you. If you have two different definitions of dating, you can find yourself dating for disaster.

Quick guide to commonly used definitions of dating

·         The sexual dater– This type of dater dates to have a sexual relationship. Yes sex may be easy to come by, but they prefer a one consistent sexual partner. No relationship strings attached, just sex, and a few dinners or movies here and there to keep the sex partner happy.

·         The right now dater– This type of dater dates for right now. They are 100% present focused. This dater may have plans to move away in a few months or in a year, but right now they are dating, or may be in a relationship and choose to think about the rest later. If they move away, yeah the relationship will probably end (or you can move too!)

·         The relationshipper– This type of dater always dates for a relationship. They go from relationship to relationship very quickly. You might know them as the serial monogamist. They find their prey, latch on, and poof! They are in a relationship. However, the relationships never seem to last that long. They often get bored (on to the next one) or, they after spending more time with a person, they finally realize that they were never meant to be in that relationship in the first place.

·         The dinner dater– This type of dater likes to go on date for the free dinners (ok I am mainly talking about girls on this one). She can plan to go out with five different men in one week to five different restaurants, and have five different free meals. The rational; why go grocery shopping with I can just go out on a date!

·         The non-exclusive dater– This type of dater will date many people at one time to avoid being exclusive with just one person. They may admit that they are dating other people, and want to “test out” a variety of people before just settling for one. They choose not to put all their eggs in one basket, so they don’t end up giving an overly excessive amount of attention to just one person. This type of dater may appear to have commitment issues, or have been badly hurt in a past relationship. Handle with care.

·         The traditional dater– This type of dater will date to find a monogamous relationship. They will take the dating process slow, not rushing into an exclusive relationship too quickly. They are sure to analyze the situation of the relationship before deciding if they want to settle down and be in a relationship.

·         The dating for marriage dater– This type of dater wants to get married and they are dating for that reason. They are ready to take themselves out of the dating game and are looking for a partner who wants the same. They know what they want and they are not afraid to say it. They are in search of a viable partner who they will be able to spend the rest of their life with. This dater offers a strong sense of compassion, but may be overly compassionate. If the person they are dating, does not share the same definition of dating then this dater may be seen as overbearing, smothering, or rushing the relationship.

So what type of dater are you? Does that match up with the person you are currently dating?

 

Positive thoughts, positive energy, positive experiences!

Advertisements

Tis the season to eat!

I ate a hot dog today.  I rarely eat hot dogs. Well actually I had a sausage dog that looked like a hot dog from Hanks Haute Dogs, I always drive by that place, today I decided to try it. It was my Christmas gift to myself, extra calories!

Tis’ the season to eat whatever you feel like! Merry Christmas!  From Thanksgiving to New Years day all the delicious holiday foods come out from nowhere. Christmas cookies, Pecan pies, Pumpkin pies, Sweet Potato pies, and the infamous egg nog are constant reminders that you will gain weight during the holiday season. Stop trying to fight it, don’t torture yourself, eat, drink, and be merry! The good part: you can again make that New Year’s resolution that you will run straight to the gym on January 2, 2012, and lose those holiday pounds along with all those other pounds you gained in 2011.

Magazines are filled with ways to keep your waist line slim and trim during the holiday season. Fitness blogs are in full effect with tips to avoid those holiday pounds,  and gyms are getting ready to take advantage of you and your wallet at the start of the new year  as you try to keep your new year’s resolution.However, around January 14th you  suddenly forget what your resolution was and you intentionally forget which direction the gym is in.

Christmas only comes around once a year so eat. Holiday cookies and office parties only happen once a year. Egg nog disappears into far off egg nog land after New Year’s day, making you wait 11 more months until it welcomes itself back into your grocery store.  Do yourself a favor and eat without feeling guilty for Christmas. Just don’t eat make yourself sick, as always be smart when eating.

My Christmas present to myself was probably that sausage hot dog thingy that I ate today oh, and those Christmas cookies that I have been eating for the past two days, wait let me not forget that egg nog latte I had from Starbucks last week. I’ll call it my Christmas splurge. Am I worried I won’t be able to fit into my clothes in 2012? Well no, I will make a new years resolution to go to the gym and lose weight of course! And yes I still work out during the holiday season, maybe that’s why I don’t feel so bad if I eat a cookie.

Just remember during the holiday season, stay active, continue to work out, it helps you de stress from the trauma of mall crowds anyway.  Don’t try to start a diet during the holidays, you may want to wait to the new year for that one. But you can start working out any day of the week. The gym is always open so you don’t have to wait until January. Get a head start on burning those extra calories, then you won’t feel guilty. I would suggest to anyone, do what makes you happy for the holidays. It only comes around once a year, so take a moment to enjoy the season, and enjoy life. No need to worry about those delicious office cookies, they won’t be around next week anyway.

christmas 2007
Image by paparutzi via Flickr