Taking a Time Out!!!

I am calling time out! …..Time out!

I feel the need to take a time out and rest on the bench. I don’t want to play. I just decided that I don’t want to play anymore. Playing “the game”, the dating game is a lot more work than I thought. I have never been good at games anyway. Not monopoly, spades, bingo, or uno. I have never been good at playing, and I seem to not win. So how did I get stuck in the middle of this dating game, when I never wanted to play in the first place!

As I progress in playing this game  I will honestly say I am not really good at it, but I do think that I have a pretty good team. I have a starting line up that keeps me busy, and individually each of my 5 starters know their position, as they each meet a different need for me. But even with a strong starting line up, I feel like I am missing that Kobe or Lebron who will just dominate the game. You know the franchise player who will take over, be able to play every position, and play it with confidence. He will never need rest, and will be honored to play the entire time without needing a sub to fill in.  Basically that one guy who meets my needs so well that I don’t have to look to fill the other 4 positions because he has them all on lock. He knows when to move, how to move, and where to go to make things happen. If I just had a Kobe or Lebron, I wouldn’t need players for the other positions, and would no longer need to look back for someone else to make a play.

I have the movie guy, the guy with the great conversation and intellectual stimulation, the one who makes me laugh, the one who likes adventure and outdoor activities, and the one who I can just sit home and chill with. Sounds great huh, but why can’t they all be encompassed into just one person. That one IT guy who makes me laugh, has great conversation, likes to watch movies, likes to sit home and relax, and also like to experience the outdoors and adventure. I know there has to be a man out there who has all of these qualities, and hopefully I can find him so I can retire from this game with a championship ring.

In addition to my rotational starting line up,  I would say that I have the best sixth man in the game. He would make Ben Gordon and Jason Terry jealous with his sixth man abilities.  My sixth man is always ready to come off the bench and fill in whenever one of my starters starts to act up. He would surely be the top candidate for the sixth man of the year award in the dating game (if there was one). He is down to play any position, always ready when I need him, and he doesn’t need time to warm up. On  someone’s else team he would truly be a starter, maybe even the MVP. He would be the Kobe of their team.  However, on my team I can only bring him off the bench, and no matter how good he is at playing his position, he will never reach the starting line up.

But even with a fully stacked team,  a strong rotation of players, I feel like I need a time out from this game. This team doesn’t seem to be working as well as it once did. It may be time to make some trades, and recruit  new free agents. Yet, that still takes work, a lot of work. It’s the starting over, the getting to know him, seeing where he is going to fit in. Will he be willing to play any position I put him at? But I will secretly be hoping that he is the Kobe that I am looking for, so I can cut the rest of the team from my roster. I have no problem making cuts for a star player. But it seems the stars are in rare form,  and I have to fill in the gaps somehow.

When I was in a long term relationship with my ex,  I would look at my  BFF Dana and be jealous of her single girl adventures. She always had a new story about a new guy. I would think “wow that must be fun”!! New men, new experiences, not having anyone to answer to, and being able to tell him to leave when he pisses you off. Yeah I thought that would be fun.

Now I know better. It’s not as fun as it looked from inside the window of a relationship.  As TO said about that girl on his show,  I am a “relationshipper”. I like relationships. I like commitments. I like seeing just one guy day after day. I want one person to be the movie guy, the dinner guy, and be there for everything else I need guy. Together the two of us can be a team. We are both the stars of each others team, and there will be no bench to look to when things get complicated. He will be the one I pass the ball to, and he passes it back to me. It works. We win together, we lose together, and we play the whole game together.

But until then, I think I’ll just take a twenty second time out!

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My Intro To “The Game”

As I was sitting at my computer while scrolling through craigslist (yeah craigslist…)  looking for new friends out here in Hawaii, I came upon an ad for a man who actually turned out to be a good friend. We are solely friends and a friend who has never had a problem sharing dating advice with me.  I will call him Mike. Mike is in the Airforce, and I met him while he was “passing through” Hawaii on military business (whatever that is supposed to mean). He was on a three week working vacation in Hawaii, and was on the search for new friends.

Mike and I met up for some drinks, and had an interesting conversation on the dating game, and why I am going to have to play the game,  and play it good. He so eloquently in his manly way said I have no choice, if I want to “win” then I am going to have to play. Now I am taking “winning” to mean that I will get someone to put a ring on it (as Beyonce so nicely put it). Well this ring better be worth it. For all this trouble  and states of utter confusion that my mind is constantly in, I better have a rock so big that it won’t fit in my bag!!

So since its either play or spend every subsequent Saturday night alone, I will put myself in the game. But, boy for someone new to this game it is a struggle to get aquainted with all the rules. The rules of what to say, what not to say, who pays,  what restarurants can he afford, and how to kick him out of my apartment when he has clearly overstayed his welcome (just had to throw that one in there!).

Now the way Mike explained this game was quite interesting. He even used the coasters sitting at the bar to get his point across. He took the stack of coasters and said “that any man who is worth his salt does not just want to settle down with only one  girl”.  My first thought: What the HELL does that mean!!!  Well that basically turned into why just have one coaster all by itself, when you can have a stack of five or six coasters! Now I completely understand that this is fully Mike’s dating know how 101, so I am not going to think this is the view of all men. But he is a man so I listened, I figured he knew a little something about men.

Since he is in the Airforce, Mike travels all over the world on the military dime, and  has “collected friends” all over the world. I used the term International man whore to describe him one time, yeah he did’t like that too much. But really, lets call it what it is. When you meet girls in different cities worldwide, then make sure you keep in touch with them when you leave so you have a ” sex buddy” when you return…ummm that is screaming international man whore. He admits that he does have sex with his “buddies”, he keeps in contact with them while he is gone, and makes plans to meet up with them when he returns to their city. With his suave deameanor I can see how he charms girls into that role. He does have his life in order, owns a house, has a good job, and many girls may see him as that perfect guy. On first glance he appears like a straight gentlemen. But ladies don’t be fooled, he is a fully loaded man whore. Hey he almost got me to enter his collection with his charming words of wisdom. However, I was quickly turned off by the fact that he may be exposed to many a STD, and returned to my senses. Yup so he has just remained my friend Mike, the International Man Whore!  Hey, if you have a better term for that, please let me know! I am very open to other ways to describe it.

After getting the inside information on how to play the game due to our bar conversation, I went out into the world and tried it out. The next weekend I went on 4 dates in 2 days. I would have never thought that would have been possible. I am lazy, and only want to have one bad date per day. Unfourtanely,  I had to squeeze it in, since one of the guys was returning to his home state of Washington that weekend. I figured he could buy me dinner, why not, I need to eat right? I was playing the game. And the game was making me more tired than my daily work day.  I had a lunch and dinner date each day. It was actually only 3 guys that I had to go out with, because my Saturday lunch guy, was also my Sunday morning church and lunch guy. I must admit it was fun to have  a multiple date weekend, but even after all of that I didn’t feel any closer to finding what I was looking for in just one man. I had 3 men, 3 different personalities, a stack of 3 coasters, but why did I feel like something was missing? Oh its because I was playing the game. Since I am new to the game I will probably lose more than I will win, but yet I will have to keep playing.

So as I learn this game, I will just hope that maybe one day I will be good at it, and actually enjoy playing. (Yeah lets see about that).