Category: random

My Mr. Nice Guy

On By Jenni C.In dating, Fears, Finding meaning, Hawaii, Life, men, Moving, Paradise, random, relationships, Relocation, Self Discovery, self help, single girl, Travel, UncategorizedLeave a comment

I think I may have met someone. Yeah someone who has boyfriend potential. Checking his stats he has boyfriend potential, and so far, so good, so he may be the one. Or least the one who can hang around the longest for right now. Going down my check list he meets most of the qualifications to pass through to the next level of building a deeper relationship. He has a college degree, he can talk in complete sentences (don’t ask, but yeah that seems to be a missing trait in men), he is very outgoing, down to try anything new, is in to living life, and he is cute. He is an all around wholesome nice guy.

Uh oh!!!! I said it! He is a NICE GUY. Ok ladies now let’s admit it, we are secretly attracted to the bad boy. The bad boy has a certain I don’t give a fuck attitude about him that makes us want him. The bad boy who is no good for you,  the guy that makes you wonder why he doesn’t call you back, or why he is not giving you attention all the time. When he does give us attention it comes in little spurts, but we eat it up, and want more. The bad boys are the ones who get the girls. Sometimes they are sweethearts, other times they are complete jerks. But they find a balance in their attitude that leaves girls wanting more. The bad boy can be broke with no job, and find a woman to let him live on her couch. He has game, and also has two, three, or more chicks all at the same time. People ask me what type of guy I like, my response, the cute jerk! I don’t like the extreme bad boy because I personally find his sense of arrogance annoying, but I like the slight bad boy. He is nice at times, jerky at other times, but he is so damn cute which in my mind cancels out his annoying pompous cocky attitude. I know he will protect me when needed, and his swag is so on point that he has every other girl wanting him too (which sucks!!!). But that is my cute jerk.

So as I get older, lets try something new. The Nice guy, the guy I would normally shoot right to the friend zone. My new nice guy is a sweetheart, really a sweetheart. He doesn’t do extreme chivalry but that’s ok because I don’t like that anyway. But he does the little things. Such as, wanting to hold my hand when we walk down the block, or walk on the beach and just talk. He refuses to let me see him as a friend so for now he says we are companions.

The problem: He is in the military and is going to be deployed for six months. I feel like I am holding back, and can’t get too attached to him because, I know soon he will be gone and I will miss him. I don’t want to miss anyone. I am so over missing people. I missed my ex boyfriend for so long, now that I am done with that, I am just not in the mood to miss anyone else. I want someone who is here. Who is with me, and who is not going to leave. So although I can see myself really falling for Mr. nice guy, now is not the time. It seems like for me, timing is always wrong, and I just patiently wait for timing to be right. Wait and wait for that day when it is the right place, the right moment, the right time.

Mr. nice guy is in the Marines.  Now my personal opinion, don’t date military men. They have a certain element of crazy about them. But he doesn’t come off as crazy, or at least I haven’t seen his side of crazy. He talks to me, he communicates well, we laugh together, and we can enjoy each other’s company. For Valentine’s day he took me to see Brian McKnight, it was wonderful!  A magical moment that would make two people fall in love. Ok I did not fall in love with Mr. nice guy just yet, but it did make me appreciate his company more. I have a sense of comfort when I am around him that I haven’t had in a long time, and it’s just nice to relax in his presence. He thinks I am beautiful no matter what I look like, and he is impressed by me just being myself. Wow what a breath of fresh air!

So hopefully all will continue to go well with my newly found nice guy, and I will keep you updated on our progress. Maybe his six month deployment won’t be so bad and we can start a real relationship. We will see with time, but hey if all goes well maybe I will be willing to give up my single girl lifestyle for an even better relationship lifestyle!

Want to meet new people?

On By Jenni C.In dating, Fears, Finding meaning, Hawaii, Life, Moving, Paradise, random, Relocation, Self Discovery, Travel, Uncategorized, VacationLeave a comment

In case you ever wanted to move to a new place, on the other side of the world, but fear that you won’t know anyone and be all alone, here are some tips for you to meet people. No matter where you decide to live or visit in the world there are always people around. So there will always be someone for you to talk to and new friends to be made. Don’t be shy. People don’t know you, so they have no expectations of you. Everyday is a new chance to make a first impression all over again. So I advise you to take it and run with it. Bring out your inner extrovert and enjoy life with the people who are around you. I have learned that people come from so many different places in life, and with each new person brings a whole new experience!

I think the greatest website to get out and meet new people is meetup.com. Meet up groups are a great way to find activities that you like, and also meet people who like to do those same activities as you. In Hawaii there are so many different types of meet up groups. My personal favorites are the ones for hiking, fitness, and project singles. These groups give me the chance to see so much of the island and meet really cool people while doing it.

The island of Oahu is filled with so many exciting activities, so since I came here without knowing anyone, I had to find a way to meet people do explore the island with me. And it has truly been an amazing experience. I have been hiking on so many trails that I would never have the opportunity to see as a tourist. I have climbed to the top of summits that overlook entire sides of the island, and I must add that the view is spectacular.  Through meet up I have been able to find groups who work out on the beach, and beach body coaches who help me to continue to reach my fitness goals. Yup, I have to keep my body in shape since its summer year round. 

Project singles gives me a way to meet other single professionals as myself, and even if I am not attracted to any of the males in the group there is always a cool activity to have a good time at. Meet up groups are great for meeting like minded people, people who are open to culture, to experience, and they are filled with a wealth of knowledge. Many of the people I have met have traveled to many places in the world, and have done great things in their lives. So why not give it try, it never hurts to go out and make a new friend!

The spirit of Aloooooooha!!

On By Jenni C.In Hawaii, Life, Moving, New York, Paradise, random, Relocation, Self Discovery, self help, Travel, UncategorizedLeave a comment

In Hawaii there is an overwhelming sense of the spirit of Aloha!! It is something that can be compared to a warmth of kindness that is rarely experienced on the mainland. Even the south can take notes! It comes with a feeling a gratitude, a warming smile, a community feeling, that embodies the essence of natural kindness. Aloha comes with a peaceful feeling that says, yes you are important to me, and I care about you my friend.

I write this to say, that in Hawaii I have experienced some things that I have never felt in New York. Let me start with this, for one the Executive Vice President of the company I work for actually knows my name! Small feature, I don’t think so. I have worked at places where I don’t even think my own direct supervisor knows my name. In addition to that she always greets with a warm mother like type hug, and a friendly welcoming of,  Hello Jennifer! Wow was I impressed the first time this occurred. A hug and smile from the Vice President. I must admit that I was feeling a little rude inside because I did not know the proper way to act, or how to approach this instance. I did give a hug back in return, I just left with the feeling that mine was not good enough to embrace the Aloha!

Another example of this is when we have pot lucks at work due to somebody moving on to a new job. Before everyone starts to eat, we gather in a circle and a small prayer of sorts or blessing is said. No separation of church and state here. And again the VP shows up with her big smile, and also brings a dish to share. Time is made for employees to enjoy each other, and laugh together. Co workers are aware of the joys and struggles in each others lives, and judgment is left out of the process. It is an environment where it is Ok to just be who you are, and still put your best foot forward.

At a meeting I had attended, before it began a traditional Hawaiian song was sung to start off the meeting. Sorry I forget what it is called, but it was a song like no other. The room was still as this woman’s voice called the meeting to order though her gift of song. It was a magical moment, that made it feel like we were all standing by the ocean watching the waves in peace.

So from Hawaii I am sending a warm sense of Aloha! Be kind today. Be kind to a stranger, to family, to friends. A smile will take you a long way, and a smile towards someone else will always bring brightness into their day!!!

1 year already!!!!

On By Jenni C.In Fears, Finding meaning, Hawaii, Life, Moving, New York, Paradise, random, Relocation, Self DiscoveryLeave a comment

Its funny how life just keep changes and you never know where you will end up, or what is going to happen next. Life just happens, we can make plans sure, but there it is not certain that our plans will work. Life happens when it wants, on its own terms. If you are a believer in God, which I am, I will say God says when life happens. God makes his plans for us, and it works, it always works. We may have our own plans, but God’s plans will always prevail.  So life, is funny, uncertain, forever changing, and full of surprises, but it always happens.

So it has been one year since I have been in Hawaii, and it is a part of my life that I could not have planned for, did not predict, and truly did not expect. But it happened, and it worked. The years go by so fast, and I feel like it was just yesterday that I got off the plane and landed at the Honolulu airport. I still remember the morning I left New York it was 13 degrees, and freezing cold. I cried on the plane at the thought of the boy and friends  I was leaving behind, and just slept until I landed in LAX to switch planes.  In Honolulu it was 80 degrees and I spent my first night alone in a Waikiki hotel. Not feeling scared, but feeling ready for change and empowered to finally be in control of my life!

The last year has been forever changing, its been full of life, full of breath, its been NEW!! And for me it has been great! I will admit yes I have had bad days, I have felt times of uncertainty, the creeping of loneliness, wanting to hug my mommy, wanting to laugh with my best friends, and yes even wanting to argue with my little sister.  But for each passing bad moment, I remember that God gave me the opportunity to live my own life. To feel like I have a purpose, and to feel like I am strong enough to keep going because I will have an abundance of good days ahead.

So as today marks the one year mark of my Hawaiian adventure, I still feel strong, I feel whole, I feel like whatever challenge life has for me, I will be able to conquer it. I feel like I know myself better than I ever have before, and I love who I am! I am what makes me special, and having the chance to live life makes me more ready to see whats next!

When will I leave Hawaii, ummm not really too sure about that yet. But for right now I will continue to enjoy the beauty and culture of islands, enjoy the people, and have fun each day, living my life with no regrets!!!!

Taking a Time Out!!!

On By Jenni C.In dating, Finding meaning, Hawaii, Life, men, Moving, New York, random, relationships, Relocation, Self Discovery, self help, single girl, Travel, Uncategorized, VacationLeave a comment

I am calling time out! …..Time out!

I feel the need to take a time out and rest on the bench. I don’t want to play. I just decided that I don’t want to play anymore. Playing “the game”, the dating game is a lot more work than I thought. I have never been good at games anyway. Not monopoly, spades, bingo, or uno. I have never been good at playing, and I seem to not win. So how did I get stuck in the middle of this dating game, when I never wanted to play in the first place!

As I progress in playing this game  I will honestly say I am not really good at it, but I do think that I have a pretty good team. I have a starting line up that keeps me busy, and individually each of my 5 starters know their position, as they each meet a different need for me. But even with a strong starting line up, I feel like I am missing that Kobe or Lebron who will just dominate the game. You know the franchise player who will take over, be able to play every position, and play it with confidence. He will never need rest, and will be honored to play the entire time without needing a sub to fill in.  Basically that one guy who meets my needs so well that I don’t have to look to fill the other 4 positions because he has them all on lock. He knows when to move, how to move, and where to go to make things happen. If I just had a Kobe or Lebron, I wouldn’t need players for the other positions, and would no longer need to look back for someone else to make a play.

I have the movie guy, the guy with the great conversation and intellectual stimulation, the one who makes me laugh, the one who likes adventure and outdoor activities, and the one who I can just sit home and chill with. Sounds great huh, but why can’t they all be encompassed into just one person. That one IT guy who makes me laugh, has great conversation, likes to watch movies, likes to sit home and relax, and also like to experience the outdoors and adventure. I know there has to be a man out there who has all of these qualities, and hopefully I can find him so I can retire from this game with a championship ring.

In addition to my rotational starting line up,  I would say that I have the best sixth man in the game. He would make Ben Gordon and Jason Terry jealous with his sixth man abilities.  My sixth man is always ready to come off the bench and fill in whenever one of my starters starts to act up. He would surely be the top candidate for the sixth man of the year award in the dating game (if there was one). He is down to play any position, always ready when I need him, and he doesn’t need time to warm up. On  someone’s else team he would truly be a starter, maybe even the MVP. He would be the Kobe of their team.  However, on my team I can only bring him off the bench, and no matter how good he is at playing his position, he will never reach the starting line up.

But even with a fully stacked team,  a strong rotation of players, I feel like I need a time out from this game. This team doesn’t seem to be working as well as it once did. It may be time to make some trades, and recruit  new free agents. Yet, that still takes work, a lot of work. It’s the starting over, the getting to know him, seeing where he is going to fit in. Will he be willing to play any position I put him at? But I will secretly be hoping that he is the Kobe that I am looking for, so I can cut the rest of the team from my roster. I have no problem making cuts for a star player. But it seems the stars are in rare form,  and I have to fill in the gaps somehow.

When I was in a long term relationship with my ex,  I would look at my  BFF Dana and be jealous of her single girl adventures. She always had a new story about a new guy. I would think “wow that must be fun”!! New men, new experiences, not having anyone to answer to, and being able to tell him to leave when he pisses you off. Yeah I thought that would be fun.

Now I know better. It’s not as fun as it looked from inside the window of a relationship.  As TO said about that girl on his show,  I am a “relationshipper”. I like relationships. I like commitments. I like seeing just one guy day after day. I want one person to be the movie guy, the dinner guy, and be there for everything else I need guy. Together the two of us can be a team. We are both the stars of each others team, and there will be no bench to look to when things get complicated. He will be the one I pass the ball to, and he passes it back to me. It works. We win together, we lose together, and we play the whole game together.

But until then, I think I’ll just take a twenty second time out!

My Intro To “The Game”

On By Jenni C.In dating, Finding meaning, Hawaii, Life, men, Moving, New York, Paradise, random, relationships, Relocation, Self Discovery, single girl, Travel, Uncategorized, VacationLeave a comment

As I was sitting at my computer while scrolling through craigslist (yeah craigslist…)  looking for new friends out here in Hawaii, I came upon an ad for a man who actually turned out to be a good friend. We are solely friends and a friend who has never had a problem sharing dating advice with me.  I will call him Mike. Mike is in the Airforce, and I met him while he was “passing through” Hawaii on military business (whatever that is supposed to mean). He was on a three week working vacation in Hawaii, and was on the search for new friends.

Mike and I met up for some drinks, and had an interesting conversation on the dating game, and why I am going to have to play the game,  and play it good. He so eloquently in his manly way said I have no choice, if I want to “win” then I am going to have to play. Now I am taking “winning” to mean that I will get someone to put a ring on it (as Beyonce so nicely put it). Well this ring better be worth it. For all this trouble  and states of utter confusion that my mind is constantly in, I better have a rock so big that it won’t fit in my bag!!

So since its either play or spend every subsequent Saturday night alone, I will put myself in the game. But, boy for someone new to this game it is a struggle to get aquainted with all the rules. The rules of what to say, what not to say, who pays,  what restarurants can he afford, and how to kick him out of my apartment when he has clearly overstayed his welcome (just had to throw that one in there!).

Now the way Mike explained this game was quite interesting. He even used the coasters sitting at the bar to get his point across. He took the stack of coasters and said “that any man who is worth his salt does not just want to settle down with only one  girl”.  My first thought: What the HELL does that mean!!!  Well that basically turned into why just have one coaster all by itself, when you can have a stack of five or six coasters! Now I completely understand that this is fully Mike’s dating know how 101, so I am not going to think this is the view of all men. But he is a man so I listened, I figured he knew a little something about men.

Since he is in the Airforce, Mike travels all over the world on the military dime, and  has “collected friends” all over the world. I used the term International man whore to describe him one time, yeah he did’t like that too much. But really, lets call it what it is. When you meet girls in different cities worldwide, then make sure you keep in touch with them when you leave so you have a ” sex buddy” when you return…ummm that is screaming international man whore. He admits that he does have sex with his “buddies”, he keeps in contact with them while he is gone, and makes plans to meet up with them when he returns to their city. With his suave deameanor I can see how he charms girls into that role. He does have his life in order, owns a house, has a good job, and many girls may see him as that perfect guy. On first glance he appears like a straight gentlemen. But ladies don’t be fooled, he is a fully loaded man whore. Hey he almost got me to enter his collection with his charming words of wisdom. However, I was quickly turned off by the fact that he may be exposed to many a STD, and returned to my senses. Yup so he has just remained my friend Mike, the International Man Whore!  Hey, if you have a better term for that, please let me know! I am very open to other ways to describe it.

After getting the inside information on how to play the game due to our bar conversation, I went out into the world and tried it out. The next weekend I went on 4 dates in 2 days. I would have never thought that would have been possible. I am lazy, and only want to have one bad date per day. Unfourtanely,  I had to squeeze it in, since one of the guys was returning to his home state of Washington that weekend. I figured he could buy me dinner, why not, I need to eat right? I was playing the game. And the game was making me more tired than my daily work day.  I had a lunch and dinner date each day. It was actually only 3 guys that I had to go out with, because my Saturday lunch guy, was also my Sunday morning church and lunch guy. I must admit it was fun to have  a multiple date weekend, but even after all of that I didn’t feel any closer to finding what I was looking for in just one man. I had 3 men, 3 different personalities, a stack of 3 coasters, but why did I feel like something was missing? Oh its because I was playing the game. Since I am new to the game I will probably lose more than I will win, but yet I will have to keep playing.

So as I learn this game, I will just hope that maybe one day I will be good at it, and actually enjoy playing. (Yeah lets see about that).