Category: Finding meaning

Soul Mates: Is that for real?

On By Jenni C.In dating, Finding meaning, Hawaii, Life, Love, men, random, relationships, Relocation, Self Discovery, single girl, Travel4 Comments

After nearly two weeks, I finally returned to Bikram yoga today. Painful is an understatement for the appropriate word to describe that experience. By the start of the floor series I was ready to go back home and crawl myself back in my bed. A missed week of Bikram, is like starting your first hot yoga class over again. On my travels east, I did go with my friend to a Bikram Yoga class in Virgina, however the experience was nothing like the Honolulu Bikram experience. Ahhh, another reason to love Honolulu 🙂

As I attempted my 90 minute moving meditation in the very hot room, my mind started to wander. Well my mind always wanders, nothing new.

But today my wandering brought me to thoughts about soul mates. Do they really exist, or is the idea of a soul mate a piece of fiction that can be comparable to Walt Disney fairy tale?

If this blog by some random chance of fate gone wild ever turned into a book, turned movie, my movie would not be your typical love story, or romantic comedy like so many other single girl goes on a random adventure to find a new life kind of movie.  My movie would be more like a cynical comedy. Somewhat like Juno. Dry humor, with an unpredictable ending that is still unwritten.

If my life were fit for true Hollywood fashion it would go something like this: I leave New York, fly across the world, end up in Hawaii, learn the island, then randomly meet a gorgeous, charming man in a way that involves some form of irony, he falls in love with my quirks, flaws, and amazing personality. We spend an endless amount of time together, we have the all too predictable conflict over a meaningless topic, eventually get back together because we realize this is what the universe wants. The ending:  we drive pass the ocean into the sunset. In movie world, I would have met my soul mate by now, or at least someone who I thought was my soul mate for the time being.

However, in reality, my life works something like this: I leave New York, fly across the world, end up in Hawaii, learn the island, make a ton of crazy friends, engage in life threatening adventures just to see if I survive, go to work everyday but love my job, and sit around thinking about what my next life challenge will be. Hmm that may not be interesting enough for the big screen. In my movie world, I will not stumble upon Mr. Perfect one day, who I eventually realize is the one I have been looking for all my life ( how cheesy does that sound anyway?)

But I am starting to wonder, do soul mates actually exist. Some married  people have said, I knew I had met “the one” the moment I laid eyes them, is that real? Or, do people just say things like that because it sounds like love? Personally, I don’t think I would know  my soul mate if he actually did come and save my life because I was about to get by a bus (just saying). I am not sure if ever in my life have I just laid eyes on someone, and knew he was “the one”. I think I have actually fallen in love by accident, it just happens over time. Obviously I haven’t yet met my soul mate.

Since I have decided that I would not make a good career military wife, I doubt my soul mate is on the island of Oahu. Maybe he is on Maui? Or,  maybe not. Since there are so many people in the world, maybe we all get a pick of three or four soul mates. Fate would have us only meet one anyway there would be no conflict later in life. Perhaps my soul mate is in another state,  he  could actually be in New York and I just missed him. I could do some more traveling in case my soul mate is in another country. However, if fate brings us together than I really don’t have to look for him right? He will just pop out of the sky one day by some random coincidence. That sounds about right. I am not searching for “the one”. I will just stay still and let life happen.

To anyone who has found their soul mate, how did you know it was that person? And more importantly are they everything you expected they would be?

My Happy Soundtrack- I’m gonna smile cause I deserve too

On By Jenni C.In Fears, Finding meaning, Life, Love, Moving, Relocation, Twenties2 Comments
Honolulu from Diamond Head.
Image via Wikipedia

Back in Honolulu!

I wake up and  it is another beautiful day in Honolulu. The sun is shining, I look over my balcony at the mountains going towards the Pali, and my day starts off with a smile. How could it not? I already know that I am alive, I feel healthy (well most of the time), and I have a lot to look forward to. So each day I tell myself, “I’m gonna smile cause I deserve too”, as sung by Leona Lewis.

Flashback to a few years ago. I remember a time when I didn’t smile as much. I would wake up in New York sad. Unhappy with my job, my personal life, nothing seemed to be where I needed it to be in life. Life for me was out of place. I would wonder, where did my happy go? During that time I had a sad soundtrack. You know that soundtrack we have for moments of self pity. Those times when we want to sit around feeling sorry for ourselves and just cry (or maybe I am the only one who has one of those). My sad soundtrack was a running playlist of songs on my ipod that I would play over and over again. I would go into a deeper feeling of self-pity each time I listened to these songs. The problem? The only person who knew I was sad was me! I would be sad to myself. So obviously the only person able to get me off the sad train to nowhere was me.

In case you need a soundtrack for moments of brief sadness (keep them brief!), I can help you out. I know a great list of songs that really fit the mood. As much as I listened to them, I could say in some strange way they did catapult me out of those moments of sadness. My advice to you: don’t stay on your pity pot too long, it us fine to sit on it sometimes. But, try not to do it too often, and bounce off of it as fast as you can. If you sit too long you may get stuck.  Being happy is a whole lot easier than loathing in self-pity.

Better in Time
Image via Wikipedia

My sad soundtrack was most used for those post breakup moments (of course, I’m a girl!) Those moments when love was lost, and I felt my world was about to come to a crashing halt, with no plan how I will get out of it. The more I listened to each song, I thought maybe it will put a stitch back in my heart one by one, but no it didn’t. Eventually only time did that. But my sad playlist did offer me some comfort while riding on the NY city subway!

In case you were wondering, here are some of my favorites for my past of sadness:

  1. Usher-Burn
  2. Chris Brown- Say Goodbye
  3. Leona Lewis- Better in Time
  4. India Arie- This too shall pass- *Favorite*
  5. Mariah Carey- I stay in love
  6. Boyz II Men- Doing just fine, or Seasons of Loneliness
  7. Alicia Keys- Sleeping with a broken heart
Wow those songs are sad,
My Happy soundtrack is much better, it’s motivating, inspirational, and keeps me on my daily vote of confidence that, I am That Chick! It keeps me smiling, keeps me positive, and reminds me through moments of sadness, life always get’s so much better.
These are my favorites from my Happy Soundtrack:
  1. Brandy- Camouflage
  2. Just Stand up!- Various female artist including, Mariah Carey,  Beyonce, Mary J. Blige, Rihanna
  3. Beyonce- Ego
  4. Bruno Mars- Just the way you are
  5. Fabolous- You be killin em
  6. Ace Hood, Rick Ross, Jasmine Sullivan- Champion- *Favorite*
  7. Flo Rida- Who Dat Girl
  8. Pink- F**kin’ Perfect
  9. Keri Hilson- Pretty Girl Rock
  10. Natasha Bedingfield- Unwritten
  11. Kelly Rowland- Heaven and Earth

What’s included on your Happy Soundtrack?
*Positive energy, Positive thoughts, Positive experiences!

August book selection: Everything Happens For A Reason by Mira Kirshenbaum

On By Jenni C.In Books, Fears, Finding meaning, Life, random, Relocation, Self Discovery, self help2 Comments
Cover of
Cover via Amazon

On my journey to “living my best life now”, as said by Oprah, I am attempting to incorporate a monthly book selection into this blog. Please note that I said ATTEMPT. I will do my best, but not sure how long I can keep it going. My life changes quick, so please watch me for the changes.

Lately, I have had the feeling that God has been telling me to go right,  and I keep making that sharp left. Somehow going to left seems so much more exciting than going right, so I pick my way. Of course it never works out, it’s not the right way, it is a dead-end. As always God  brings back to the start of the path, I don’t get lost , I don’t get in trouble. He allows me another chance to follow him, infinite chances to go right. I listened to God, and when he spoke, he brought me to a book, a book that will forever change the way I look at life.

This month’s book selection is,  Everything Happens for a Reason: Finding the true meaning of events in our lives, by Mira Kirshenbaum. While reflecting on past events in my life, changes that have been made, I once struggled to find meaning in them. I had a bad habit of feeling sorry for myself, hating the world that I was in, just hoping for something better that never came. I would wonder, why do certain things happen the way they do? Why do some events turn out bad, and why can’t things just go the way I want them to. I wanted perfection from life. Who am I kidding? Life doesn’t work that way.  The odds are not always in my favor, and every event is not going to always have a happy ending. In life bad things happen. Bad things happen to everyone, the good that comes out of those bad events are the reason why they had to happen.

Through her writing, Kirshenbaum points out  that there are ten main reasons why these bad events take place in our lives. Through each chapter she thoroughly explains each of these ten reasons, she conveys real life examples from people to make sense of  the true meaning as to why certain events may occur in life. Kirshenbaum is able to help  the reader reflect on his or her own life events, and find a way to make that event fit into one of these reasons. This book opens the reader up to deep self-reflection,  possibly gaining closure and moving forward from events that appear damaging to our lives. Kirshenbaum writes in a way that enhances a positive overtone for negative events. This book portrays the message that life does get better! People are resilient and if we are just able to bounce back, bounce back quick,  and look for true meaning, our lives will be better than we have ever imagined. Kirshenbaum does an excellent job of making the reader feel at home within the book, and brings the message that life does not just happen to happen. Life really does happen for a reason.

The Ten Meanings of the Events in Our Lives, by Mira Kirshenbaum

1. To help you feel at home in the world

2. To help you totally accept yourself

3. To show you that you can let go of fear

4. To bring you to the place where you can feel forgiveness

5. To help you uncover your true hidden talent

6. To give you want you need to find true love

7. To help you become stronger

8. To help you discover the play in life

9. To show you how to live with a sense of mission

10. To help you become a truly good person.

My challenge to you is to sit and reflect on the negative events of your life, if you feel you know the reason why they happened, great! You are one step ahead. If not, if you continue to feel sad, wonder “what if”, or have trouble moving on think of the meaning behind this event. How has it changed you? Can anything positive come from this negative event? Look within your inner self for the reason, trust me it is there.

If you have time read, Everything Happens For A Reason by, Mira Kirshenbaum.

*Positive energy, Positive thoughts, Positive experiences!

NY memories: A permanent mark in time

On By Jenni C.In dating, Fears, Finding meaning, Life, men, Moving, New York, Relocation, single girl2 Comments

Still in New York: Day 4

Statue of Liberty National Monument, Ellis Isl...
Image via Wikipedia

I’m feeling a little bit reminiscent today. At my core I am a sentimental girl (even when I don’t act like it). I am that girl who keeps everything ever given to me by a past love. I keep old pictures, and random items for years, Deep down I can’t bring myself to just throw them away. What am I holding on to? If only I can figure it out, I might actually dispose of these items. But if I throw away pictures it would be as if those memories never happened. As if a once happy moment in my life was never there. Although, the end result was the personal torment of ending a relationship, the story of a time when things were good in that relationship are in those objects.

Why do I bring this up? Well when I come back home, I stay in my old room. My room that is filled with pictures, objects, and a plethora of memories of a time period when I was with an ex boyfriend. Twice I have loved, and twice it hasn’t worked out. Life changes and self reflection has brought me to a point where I do realize that it just wasn’t meant to be. Everything really does happen for a reason, and those relationships are not what I needed for my life.  However, the memories are still there. Trapped in my room. In my dressers are pictures, on the desk and in the closet are stuffed animals. I left my memories trapped in that room. Better than taking them with me to Hawaii. I needed a fresh start, for my own mental sake I needed the past to stay in the past. A past that always seems to come back into the present each time I enter the state of New York.

The memories are not only trapped in my room, they are actually in small areas all over the city. With each of my past relationships, I have a memory that virtually takes over Manhattan, Bronx, Queens, and Brooklyn. Wow, it’s a good thing I never dated anyone who lived in Staten Island. The city has memories of romantic dates at wonderful restaurants, times of relaxation in central park, long subway rides to our next destination, and since I love to walk;  times of just strolling up and down the blocks of Manhattan. The Village is a New York favorite area of mine since I attended NYU. But with the thought of stepping foot into the village comes the memories of waiting for an ex by NYU, eating pizza after class, or just wanting to use a building to go inside of to escape the winter cold. Yup New York, my city of memories. Memories that I can’t just throw away. Buildings, landmarks, and food, all come with a separate memory that will always be there.

Greenwich Village Photo NYC

It’s funny because when I get a new boyfriend, I try not to do the same things or go to the same places that I did with my old boyfriend. Crazy, yeah maybe a little. But, each place for me has a special memory, so I feel it is more fair to create a new special memory, than to attempt to recreate a new memory in the same place. Is that always possible? No of course not! The city is big, but not that big. There are things that I will always love. For anyone I am dating, if we happen to be in New York, we will probably repeat an event that I shared with someone else. Hopefully I can stay in the moment, feel that it is special, and not think about the last time I was in that same place.

I wish I could say that Hawaii is completely free from any tainted memories of an ex boyfriend. Unfortunately that is not exactly true since shortly after I moved there one of my ex boyfriends did come to visit. I guess it was just that type of love that I couldn’t get away from, even though I knew that I really needed to be away from it. So some parts of Honolulu do have memories of him. That I can handle a lot better than New York. Since there is so much more of Hawaii that I can see with other dates, the memories of my ex in Hawaii are close to non-existent. I don’t feel as if they are written in permanent marker like my infamous New York memories. They are written in pencil and will eventually fade.

New York and I will always have a love-hate relationship. At one time I was in love with the city, now I feel I love it for a brief period and will tolerate it the rest of the time. This is also what the relationship with each of the past men in my life has become. Once we were in love so deeply, now, well I don’t even know what it would be considered now. Toleration? Friendship? Love-hate? Sure why not all of the above.  As they say, I guess one day the memories will fade. Through it all my city will always be the same. I will be open to falling in love with it over and over again during every visit. Soon I will have new experiences, and even better memories.

'Downtown is where it's at' United States, New...
Image by WanderingtheWorld (www.LostManProject.com) via Flickr

Now if only I knew what to do with my collection of old cards, pictures, and gifts???

As always: Positive energy, Positive thoughts, Positive experiences!

Life and its uncertainty: What’s next?

On By Jenni C.In Finding meaning, Hawaii, New York, random, Relocation, Self Discovery, self help, TravelLeave a comment

I am back in New York this week. Yeah I know it seems like I was just here, what can I say I like to travel. Unfortunately traveling is   expensive 😦 so, I can not always do it as much as I would like. However, I must always find the time and money to return to my home state. When I come back to the big city it feels like I never left. The city looks the same, smells the same, and still has that same city feel that says welcome to New York! New York will always be my home. It is familiar to me. A city of memories. Good and bad, each memory will always have a special place in my life. New York is full of experiences, and those experiences have made me the person I am today. As always, mentally I do have to adjust to the mainland. I have to constantly remember that there is no spirit of Aloha over here. Put on your best New York attitude and keep it moving! In New York I have to remind myself to slow down, take a moment, and continue to enjoy life.

I must say I love summer in New York. With the heat and humidity, it really does feel like hell on earth, and you may melt if you stay outside too long, but in my mind there is nothing like a New York summer. So I am glad that I have the opportunity to be in the city right in the heart of summer, ideally I want to go to summer stage this weekend, or a street fair in the village. If you haven’t experienced a New York summer, trust me it is something you must do. At least once in your life. Don’t worry about the heat too much, just drink lots of water! 🙂

Since I have been back on the mainland I have been thinking, I am ready for my next power move! My next life changing moment. I have ambition to do better, reach for something higher and I want that next opportunity to again set myself in a new life position. The problem: I haven’t really grasped in my mind what my next power move will look like. Such as what do I want to do next? Where do I want to live? What do I want to experience? Or more importantly, where does God need me to be? I have asked God, what’s next? Where do I go? What am I supposed to do now? Still waiting for those answers. I know they will come in time, so I will wait patiently until it is time to make that power move.

When I am on the mainland, it does not feel like I really live in Hawaii. For some reason it feels like life on the island is a big dream, and suddenly I have woke up back in my bed, in my house, with my family. Yet, I know I will return, and my reality is my island life. I feel like one girl, living in two different worlds. I wonder if I can connect them somehow. Maybe that is what God needs me too figure out next. How can I connect both my worlds, to make one reality. The reality that is essentially my life. Challenging? Maybe, but I know I can do it. Once I have that figured out, then maybe I will be ready to make my next power move. And trust me, the next move will defiantly be a life changing moment.

Back to Basics: Having a passion for the present

On By Jenni C.In Finding meaning, Life, random, Self Discovery, self help, Uncategorized2 Comments

        You ever get to a point in your life where you stop and wonder “how did I get here”? And think, “was my life planned out to be this way”? Ever just stop and think about the past events of your life and look for the common connection that has led you to your current place in the world? Not regretting the past, just thinking, “wow 10 years ago I would have never thought that I would be here”, and then left to wonder what in the world will possibly happen next. Sometimes I wish I could cheat and see the map of what’s next for my life, but yet I know it is better left as a surprise. No cheating, just living. Living with purpose, walking by faith.

The point of my recent pondering; well suddenly I realized that it was already the end of July! Where did 2011 go, I feel like it just started yesterday. Nearly eight months in and I am thinking time really needs to slow down. I wish time would take a small break so I can mentally catch up to the speed that its going. Maybe I just need to go faster, work harder, but really time, do you have to go so fast?

Lately I have gone back to self analyzing my life (again, it’s what I do best!). Over the past few months I have been so busy with the chaos of life 18-20 hours out of the day, that I lost time to do everything that was important to me, like living. I once heard someone say that we get so busy living in the future, we forget to live in the present. Yeah that is how I feel right now. In January, this moment was the future, now it is the past, and I am wondering what happened to the present.

The greatness of time. It is always constant,  it doesn’t stop, doesn’t slow down, just keeps going. A rare certainty in life. My challenge to myself has been making the most of each moment that I am currently in, taking advantage of what I love to do, and making those dreams I have for the future, my reality in the present.

I have been working so much, that I forgot for a moment that I love writing. I knew something was missing from my life, and yes I have neglected my blog. Not good! Then I had to question myself, how much do I really love writing if I don’t make the time to write? Seriously, I need to love it more. To be successful, eat, sleep, and breathe what your passionate about. I know I have a passion for writing, so my task to myself is just to write! Even if I am not always happy with the finished product, at least I have words on paper.

My next task to myself is to live in the moment. I wish I had an off switch to my brain so I can give it a rest, focus on today. My daily plan is to decide what I want to accomplish for the day and do it to my full ability. So for all my avid readers (like I have so many, but I will pretend that I do right now), I am back! Back to writing, back to sharing my random thoughts, daily adventures, and details of my horrible dates. OK, just kidding I will be more optimistic for the rest of the year. Positive thoughts, positive energy, make positive experiences!